‘Just as planned’ – Local cultist locks self out of home

The Azyr Weekly has received a tip-off this morning that a local cultist of Tzeentch, who wishes to remain anonymous, has locked themselves out of their house. They remain in high spirits however, telling all who pass by that ‘It’s all part of the plan’.

After talking with the cultist it appears that their house key was lost during a complicated ritual involving incense, burning flame, and an old shoe. The cultist was unwilling to reveal the purpose of the ritual, and whether he had intended to lose his key in the process.

It has been several days since the cultist first started loitering outside their home, with no signs of them being able to find a way in. Dark and ruinous sigils have been painted on the front door in tar, with no effect, and the cultist is beginning to look noticeably dishevelled. A local locksmith offering to pick the lock has been turned away, with the cultist indicating that such a route would be ‘too obvious’. 

As we go to print the increasingly desperate cultist has begun chanting malefic curses in the street, which neighbours report are keeping them up at night. More news as it happens.

Addendum: Since our initial report, the situation has changed. Fed up with their incessant chanting during the night, a neighbour apparently flung a candle at the cultist. A swiftly ducking cultist dodged the candle which instead impacted on his door, lighting the tar sigils aflame and burning the door down. The insufferably smug cultist was last seen through the house’s windows preparing breakfast.

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