It has been a tough time for the Horrors of Tzeentch as of late. Not only have they received widespread derision and hostility due to their multiplicitive nature on the battlefield, but they have also just been awarded Least Horrific Daemon by the Azyrite Order of Daemonologists.
“Ultimately what you’ve got is a ball with teeth and limbs,” explained one of the voting members. “And sometimes those limbs have bangles. When you’re up against the necrotic Plaguebearers or hideous Daemonettes, it’s really no contest.”
Tzeentch has been deeply unsettled by the news, and is currently deep within the Crystal Labyrinth taking council from Kairos Fateweaver. The aim is to quickly escalate the horrific nature of Horrors and make them Realm-leading in the field. According to anonymous sources, the most likely path involves equipping them with a powerful ranged attack.
A highly anticipated battle between the forces of Teclis and Tzeentch was called off at the last minute today as seers from both sides have agreed on the inevitable outcome before it could begin.
“Ultimately it saves us a lot of hassle,” confirmed the Magister in charge of the Tzeentchian host. “We’ve foreseen the inevitable casualty rates, strategic manoeuvres, and all the associated twists and turns. So instead of getting all worked up we’ve decided to take the day off.”
The decision has been welcomed by the soldiery who would have had to risk life and limb in the battle. The top brass back home however are less pleased, and feel robbed of the drama only a high-stakes clash can provide. They have sent orders that those soldiers destined to fall in battle be executed anyway to add a little excitement to the day, a request the armies are less than thrilled about.
Tough times all around in the Mortal Realms as individuals from all walks of life struggle under an increased cost of living. Every faction has their story, but the situation is best summed up by the experience of Plin’lo, a Pink Horror who was until recently happily split.
“We just couldn’t handle it,” confirmed Plin’lo, as he capered morosley. “The price of gold bangles, wicked hellfire, and wiggly knives had all increased tenfold while our wages refused to budge. We felt really undermined, you know? A daemon of change with stagnate wages? It’s almost offensive.”
We spoke to some companions who had previously known them as a pair of Blue Horrors, and they all corroborated their sad tale. “A Blue Horror is meant to be grumpy, but they were something else,” described a local Gor. “The decision wasn’t easy for them.”
We approached the office of Tzeentch, Plin’lo’s diabolical overlord, but have yet to receive any response. As we go to print however we’ve received confirmation that Plin’lo has been able to find new employment, taking advantage of the severe shortage of Bastiladon riders to the Seraphon. “I just needed to paint myself blue and wear a fake tail, and I fit right in,” Pin’lo said. “It’s nice to be on the winning team for once.”