Helsmith diminutive stature linked to heavy hats

A mystery solved this week as Azyrite scientists conclusively prove the reason for the Helsmiths’ petite size – the weight of their oversized hats.

“The duardin have always been a clever but stubborn species,” commented head researcher Harper Bos. “We are confident that the Hashutites understand the consequences of their hat-wearing, but consider the considerable downsides to be worth the cost.”

This theory has led to several revelations, the most compelling of which has been the discovery of a hidden ruling caste. The so-called Grimgrik, or “Those Who Suffer with the Pain of Leadership” are those duardin whose hats are so impressive that they render their wearers immobile. Unable to move more than a few steps in a day, these elders issue directives from specially constructed thrones deep in the ziggurats. To be the chosen neck rubber for one of the Grimgrik is a significant honour for aspiring Zharrdron – to be their helmet polisher, less so.

Great Horned Rat kicked from the Teams chat

Chaos amongst the Ruinous Powers today as the Great Horned Rat is removed from the group chat used to organise after work drinks.

“They weren’t fitting the vibe at all,” confided an anonymous source. “Spamming the chat at all hours with unfunny memes, constantly starting group calls and tagging everyone, it was either the rat got kicked or the rest of them left.”

The group chat was hosted via Mortisoft Teams, a series of linked artefacts developed by the Ossiarch Mortisans to increase productivity amongst the Bonereaper legions. Its ease of use and library of GIFs (Geist-powered Imaging Foci) have contributed to its popularity outside of the legions of Death.

The Great Horned Rat has not taken the situation sitting down, and was quick to start up their own chat with the similarly fringe Duardin god Hashut. Our contacts have confirmed that this new arrangement has been working out terribly, as the ancestral enemies battle to send the most insulting, offensive messages that they can think of. At the latest report the Great Horned Rat is winning, on account of not knowing how to read.

Morathi-Khaine gone woke? Acolytes wearing pants, shirts

Fury in Ulgu today as it becomes obvious that Morathi-Khaine, living god of the Daughters of Khaine, has kowtowed to the feminists. Long known for going into battle in skimpy underwear, the Daughters have begun rolling out a more extensive, ‘thorough’ line of uniforms.

“Honestly, nobody’s missing it,” confirmed Shear Twoknives. “The old uniform really limited our options, deployment wise. The new ones are much more comfortable, and definitely feel more secure.”

Others outside the cult aren’t too sure, however, and have been vocal in their disagreement. 

“Well it was an important piece of their culture, innit?” commented a tourist visiting Har Kuron who didn’t wish to be named. “It was empowering for them, I heard. It’s sad to see, is all.”

The move has admirers of the humanoid form on high alert, fearing that other factions will follow suit. In particular, petitions have been sent to the Slann asking them to swear off shirts forever, and a formal request lodged with Nagashizarr to consider Nagash’s crop top an artefact of realmwide importance.