This Dawnbringer Crusade brought to you by UlguVPN

After months of financial difficulties, the Grand Conclaves of the Free Cities have bitten the bullet and accepted sponsorships for new Dawnbringer Crusades.

The opportunity has been taken up by several companies, the most prominent being Ulgu’s Various Protective Necklaces (or UlgaVPN for short). They offer a range of affordable talismans that purport to hide you from even Sigmar’s gaze (note from the Order of Azyr: There is no hiding from Sigmar’s gaze).

The sponsorships vary in magnitude, with some only requiring that the sponsor’s emblem be emblazoned on the crusade’s banners. Others require the regular reciting of a pre-written speech, and will immediately withdraw their support if this condition is not met. This has resulted in the decimation of several crusades, who must pause mid-battle in order to fish out their scripts.

As time goes on and the benefits of such sponsorships become clear, more companies are entering the market themselves. Other sponsors include the drug delivery service HelloSlaanesh, leyline building resource Kroakspace, and Raid: Shadow Legends.

“We’ve always had a strong rune culture” – Lumineth and Fyreslayers at loggerheads

One of the oldest rivalries in the Mortal Realms has escalated as Fyreslayer elders react in horror to the Lumineth’s new battlefield rune system.

“Runes mean duardin, and duardin mean runes!” insisted Wylim Thwackhammer, Vostarg Spokesfather. “These flouncy elgi think, just because they have tall towers and magic tricks, that they can take whatever they like.”

The Lumineth have rejected this characterisation, explaining that they engaged duardin runic advisers when crafting their own rune system. They will also be donating 5% of any treasure gained to charities involved in giving shirts to impoverished duardin youth.

“We hope to honour our duardin allies with our new runes, and build on the rich cultural legacy that they have gifted us.”

“Just as planned” – Infuriating Tzeentch wizard refuses to take the L

A Tzeentch Fatemaster is shown in a collection of lethal situations, laughing in each one.

The schemes of Tzeentchian warlord Ponk Roseye, never the most satisfying of opponents, have taken a horrendous turn as they refuse to admit to even the smallest of defeats. At first this affectation was seen as a charming quirk, but has quickly spiraled out of control.

“It used to be, ‘Oh, you got me,’ or maybe an ‘Aw shucks’ but now he cackles and insists it’s all part of some grand scheme. It takes all the fun out of war,” complained long-suffering opponent Kragnan the Blood Dripper.

It is unclear whether this is a genuine belief of Roseye’s, or instead an effort to boost their self-esteem after a series of embarrassing defeats. The Weekly has asked Roseye how many more ‘victories’ their forces can hope to sustain before total annihilation, and whether this too is ‘part of the plan’. They have declined to comment.