“Monkey-thing not my ancestor!” claims young-realms creationist

A debate that started in the heart of Blight City has spread throughout the Gnaw as newly-qualified Night Runners not only swear off any connection to their simian forbears, but the concept of an Age of Myth entirely.

“It is obvious-clear that Skaven race is only 300 years old,” insisted movement spokesrat Ken Hammhamm. “Any connection to hideous monkey-things is plot by duardin to mock superior master race, yes-yes.”

However, the evidence provided by the Skaven is shaky, and not widely accepted by the learned of Azyr.

“Through the use of rigorously applied magic, we can be confident that the Mortal Realms are tens of thousands of years old. If not older! The age of the stone, the fossils we’ve found buried in the earth, it all points to the same conclusion: that the Mortal Realms are a beautiful symphony that emerged gradually from great clouds of congealing magic. Not, as some would suggest, a few hundred years ago from the droppings of a giant rat.”

Ken Hammhamm has been dismissive of the claims, characterising his detractors as simply being jealous of Skavendom’s inherent supremacy. As we go to print he has begun fundraising for what he is calling a Creation Museum, a project he hopes to rally support to his cause. Planned exhibitions include an orrery demonstrating how the realms all orbit Blight City, and a diorama of Thanquol riding on a Stegadon.

Overpopulation of Shadow Realm caused by Ancient Pharaoh

Malerion, Morathi-Khaine and other denizens of Ulgu have been caught off-guard by a mysterious newcomer – the soul of a mystic monarch calling itself ‘the Pharaoh’, inhabiting the soul of a teenaged boy.

Reports indicate that things began almost imperceptibly, with the occasional newcomer appearing in Ulgu in a flash of light. Each reported having been challenged by the Pharaoh to a children’s card game, the rules of which would he would make up on the fly. All report being defeated in the game, given a lecture in morality by the deep-voiced child and then suddenly appearing in Ulgu.

The Order of Azyr have begun a manhunt for what they now consider to be a significant threat to all of Sigmar’s people. They urge citizens to beware of a shapeshifter with a flamboyant hairstyle and deck of cards, often accompanied by his chief minions; the Chaos Sorcerer and the Chaos Sorcerer Girl.

Helsmith diminutive stature linked to heavy hats

A mystery solved this week as Azyrite scientists conclusively prove the reason for the Helsmiths’ petite size – the weight of their oversized hats.

“The duardin have always been a clever but stubborn species,” commented head researcher Harper Bos. “We are confident that the Hashutites understand the consequences of their hat-wearing, but consider the considerable downsides to be worth the cost.”

This theory has led to several revelations, the most compelling of which has been the discovery of a hidden ruling caste. The so-called Grimgrik, or “Those Who Suffer with the Pain of Leadership” are those duardin whose hats are so impressive that they render their wearers immobile. Unable to move more than a few steps in a day, these elders issue directives from specially constructed thrones deep in the ziggurats. To be the chosen neck rubber for one of the Grimgrik is a significant honour for aspiring Zharrdron – to be their helmet polisher, less so.