Overpopulation of Shadow Realm caused by Ancient Pharaoh

Malerion, Morathi-Khaine and other denizens of Ulgu have been caught off-guard by a mysterious newcomer – the soul of a mystic monarch calling itself ‘the Pharaoh’, inhabiting the soul of a teenaged boy.

Reports indicate that things began almost imperceptibly, with the occasional newcomer appearing in Ulgu in a flash of light. Each reported having been challenged by the Pharaoh to a children’s card game, the rules of which would he would make up on the fly. All report being defeated in the game, given a lecture in morality by the deep-voiced child and then suddenly appearing in Ulgu.

The Order of Azyr have begun a manhunt for what they now consider to be a significant threat to all of Sigmar’s people. They urge citizens to beware of a shapeshifter with a flamboyant hairstyle and deck of cards, often accompanied by his chief minions; the Chaos Sorcerer and the Chaos Sorcerer Girl.

Helsmith diminutive stature linked to heavy hats

A mystery solved this week as Azyrite scientists conclusively prove the reason for the Helsmiths’ petite size – the weight of their oversized hats.

“The duardin have always been a clever but stubborn species,” commented head researcher Harper Bos. “We are confident that the Hashutites understand the consequences of their hat-wearing, but consider the considerable downsides to be worth the cost.”

This theory has led to several revelations, the most compelling of which has been the discovery of a hidden ruling caste. The so-called Grimgrik, or “Those Who Suffer with the Pain of Leadership” are those duardin whose hats are so impressive that they render their wearers immobile. Unable to move more than a few steps in a day, these elders issue directives from specially constructed thrones deep in the ziggurats. To be the chosen neck rubber for one of the Grimgrik is a significant honour for aspiring Zharrdron – to be their helmet polisher, less so.

Great Horned Rat kicked from the Teams chat

Chaos amongst the Ruinous Powers today as the Great Horned Rat is removed from the group chat used to organise after work drinks.

“They weren’t fitting the vibe at all,” confided an anonymous source. “Spamming the chat at all hours with unfunny memes, constantly starting group calls and tagging everyone, it was either the rat got kicked or the rest of them left.”

The group chat was hosted via Mortisoft Teams, a series of linked artefacts developed by the Ossiarch Mortisans to increase productivity amongst the Bonereaper legions. Its ease of use and library of GIFs (Geist-powered Imaging Foci) have contributed to its popularity outside of the legions of Death.

The Great Horned Rat has not taken the situation sitting down, and was quick to start up their own chat with the similarly fringe Duardin god Hashut. Our contacts have confirmed that this new arrangement has been working out terribly, as the ancestral enemies battle to send the most insulting, offensive messages that they can think of. At the latest report the Great Horned Rat is winning, on account of not knowing how to read.