Skaven council meets to discuss critical issues

The Council of Thirteen, the cabal that claims rulership over all of Skavendom, has met in Blight City today in one of their semi-regular conclaves to discuss the issues that affect all Skaven.

Our Skaven correspondent received a copy of the meeting’s agenda, written on paper imbued with toxic warpstone dust. After sourcing a pair of gloves rated for handling the material, none of which could be found in the city, we were able to verify the contents of the paper and transcribe the core details for you below. Some notes have also been included, which appear to represent scratchings made by our Grey Seer source.

Agenda-List for Council Meeting 

Location: Top of Rot-Wood Tower (Note: Scaffolding may be used by Eshin sneak-killers – Remove!)

Absent: Supreme Moulder Fank (burnt, remains fed to Broodmothers)

Item One-First

  • Thank-praise Supreme Moulder Fank for invention of self-combusting rats. 

Item Two-Second

  • List-find assassinations ordered by Council, check against quota. If too low, ask-demand volunteers.

Item Three-Third

  • Consider request-plead from Clans Skryre to allow Warlock-Bombardiers to overcharge Warp Lightning Cannons. (Note: If no warptokens received from clans, delay item until received)

Item Four-Fourth 

Item Five-Fifth

  • Discuss flooding, hole bored into Khaptar Sea. Consider Skryre proposal to drill-dig hole into Aqshy lava field, cancel flooding out

Item Six-Sixth

  • Accept bribe-tribute from Clans Pestilens (Note: Wash warpstone before eating)

Item Seven-Seventh

  • Break for lunch-snack

Item Eight-Eighth

  • Update on Shyish expedition, progress in capturing vampire alive dead undead. Confirm with Clans Moulder possibility of vampire rats.

Item Nine-Ninth

  • Discuss fundraising ideas for Great Horned Rat’s public relations campaign #TrueRealGodofChaos

Item Ten-Tenth

  • Confirm delay in upgrading Clans Eshin equipment until apology received for assassinating Grey Seer Krit.

Item Eleven-Eleventh

  • Receive progress report on Queekish dictionary (Note: Try remove reliance on double-twice word use)

Item Twelve-Twelth

  • Consider proposal from Clans Skryre to issue Clanrats with brass orbs, doom rockets, other weapons of mass-mass destruction.

Item Thirteen-Thirteenth

  • Discuss why Skaven plans keep blowing up in our face

Troggs face identity crisis over battlefield role

There is a sense of excitement settling over the Realms this week as generals begin to swap out their monsters for ranks of infantry. Standing apart from all this however are the troggs, who are still unsure where they fit into the whole paradigm.

“Am big, am strong. Not monster? Okay,” commented Big Zug, local trogg. “Not monster? Not little thing? Not okay!”

The Azyr High Command, who drafted this season’s laws, are pushing back at accusations of anti-trogg bias, pointing out that printed copies of the rules display an illustration of a trogg on their cover. When questioned why this was the case, and whether it was just an example of Destruction tokenism, the High Command refused to comment.

Regardless of their intended purpose on the battlefield, troggs’ enthusiasm generally remains undiminished as they continue to trogg away in the dank caves and filthy mires of the Realms. Perhaps this could be a lesson to us, to find meaning in the simple things in life.

ADDENDUM: BY ORDER OF THE ORDER OF AZYR, CITIZENS ARE FORBIDDEN FROM LEARNING LIFE LESSONS FROM TROGGOTHS.

Local Lord of Change ‘just winging it’

Famous for their foresight, feared for their manipulations, the Lords of Change are considered by many to be amongst the most skilled practitioners of the magical arts in the Mortal Realms. Despite this reputation however we can exclusively reveal that this is not the case for everyone, with at least one daemon feeling out of their depth from day one.

“They don’t train you for it at all,” said Kr’T’P, Wielder of the Copper Key. “One day, primordial nothingness, the next, here’s your staff and book, go manipulate the strands of fate! Talk about stress.”

Kr’T’P provided an outline of the professional development available to the Greater Daemons, which was described by employment experts as minimal at best. Mainly centring around feather preening and beak sharpening, they failed to cover the basic magical refreshers expected of Azyrite wizards and seem unable to equip the daemons with the latest insights into diabolical prophecy that they need to do their job.

The Crystal Labryinth’s employment office refused to meet with us, citing an unpredictable timetable, but provided the following statement:

All of Tzeentch’s Greater Daemons are chosen based on their innate qualities as magic users, and are expected to be motivated self-starters in the workplace. The development opportunities provided by the Great Architect are the absolute minimum an individual daemon should achieve, and we encourage all Lords of Change to pursue their own opportunities outside of work hours. Any daemons experiencing dissatisfaction should know that their feelings have already been foretold in the skein of destiny, and have been pre-emptively addressed by the appropriate team leader.