Morathi-Khaine accused of clinginess, micromanagement

Several months ago we reported on the results of a survey showing that Morathi-Khaine, also known simply as Morathi, was considered the most active god in the Mortal Realms. We return to that story today with reports that what was previously understood as dependability has now crossed into something worse, with Morathi now seen as something of a micromanaging menace.

After speaking with several anonymous generals of the Daughters of Khaine, we have built the picture of a goddess who cannot trust her worshippers, and accompanies them on every single expedition and battle. An intern sent to peruse the war records was unable to locate any significant battles fought by the Khainanites where Morathi was not in the thick of the action, to the detriment of her most zealous worshippers.

“We think it’s because she doesn’t believe in us,” confessed a local Witch Aelf. “She never lets us fight the most dangerous opponents, she always sends the Shadow Queen in instead. There are plenty of us really wanting to spill blood and worship our god, but we’re lucky if we even get to tag along and catch some of the blood spray.”

A hired Skaven spy noble Azyrite informer confirmed the rumours by sneaking into Hagg Nar and listening in on Morathi’s secret councils. She reportedly believes that her followers “can’t cast Mindrazor to save their lives” and that they should be much more like her “darling Blood Stalkers”.

Editor’s Note: We asked Morathi-Khaine for comment before this article went live, and have just received our intern’s head back on a silver platter. We have chosen to interpret this as a ‘no comment’.

Colour scheme fundamental to battlefield performance, say experts

An extensive survey of the Stormcast Eternals has just been completed measuring a range of factors, from success in the field to general feelings of wellbeing. While the results are being collated one finding has immediately been brought to the public’s attention: the colour of a Stormcast’s armour will significantly affect how they perform during wartime.

“Oh it’s been something of an open secret for some time,” confided Pabla Esabco, contracted colourist for the Stormcast. “You paint ‘em gold, they start hanging around battlefield objectives. Paint ‘em silver, and their Liberators start whacking things before they get zapped back up to Azyr. There’s no explaining it, but it’s the truth.”

Further study has unveiled an even darker truth; many Stormhosts are painting themselves in unique, never-seen-before heraldry in order to tap into forbidden pigmancy and acquire the power of colours whenever they so choose. This allows them to fight in the style of the Anvils of the Heldenhammer one day, and the Knights Excelsior the next. How this is achieved is a closely guarded secret, and is keenly sought by the witch-hunters of the Order of Azyr.

Some have questioned whether this magic should be made common practice, and the Stormhosts able to harness whichever powers are best suited for their battles at the time. Pushback has been limited but passionate, with detractors arguing that the lack of consistency will make it harder for spectators to understand the ebb and flow of battle. Most generals however agree that this can be overcome with some simple, clear communication.

Nighthaunt losses attributed to lack of bone density

Despite a devastating few weeks during the early days of the Soul Wars, the Nighthaunt have begun to fade into the background. Several masters of the Nighthaunt have banded together to try and find a solution to the problem, forming a conclave on the outskirts of Nagashizzar.

After several days of deliberation, the conclave has determined the core issue: the phantasmal nature of the Nighthaunt’s warriors. “It’s all very well to scare the soul out of your enemy,” confided an attendant who wished to remain nameless. “But that’s no use when a brisk breeze blows half your army away.”

Several members of the conclave have travelled to the necropolises of the Ossiarch Empire in a bid to fix this gap in the Nighthaunt physiology. By trading spectral ectoplasm for crafted bone, the Nighthaunt hope to put some spine into their forces and keep their ghosts grounded. Katakros is reportedly amenable to the idea, stating that the idea of adding ghostly auras to his legions would be ‘pretty sick honestly’.