Leaked report details shocking lack of pay for Stormcast

Despite acting as Sigmar’s chosen children in the Realms, representing the God-King himself to those who worship him, the Stormcast Eternals’ compensation has remained a mystery to all. That is until recently when a leak from the Sigmarabulum revealed that Stormcast are not paid at all.

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Embarrassment as battle schedules clash

Unrest has hit the Realms upon news that two highly anticipated wars, the War of the Open City (WOC) and the War of Malefic Carnage (WMC), have been scheduled over the same blood-soaked weekend.

The marshall of WOC has received much of the blame, since they were the second of the pair to announce the dates for their war. They are unrepentant however, pointing out that the WMC had already run out of space by the time they announced the WOC. They have appealed to the Khornate demographic, insisting that more wars can only be a good thing.

Negotiations between the two parties continue, with many hoping for a reschedule that would allow them to fight in both wars. Some truly enterprising generals are planning for the worst, training a series of messenger squigs to carry orders between the two battles and allow them to fight on both fronts.

Whatever the result, the office of Sigmar Heldenhammer has taken the opportunity to remind all generals that wars are meant to be fun, and to act accordingly.

Armchair general astounds, astonishes with strategic insight

Warlords of the Realms have gathered in Azyrheim this week, not for conquest or glory but to study at the feet of the Feuermarshal de Kanap. This lauded general has become quite the celebrity in the military world, despite never actually participating in any battles.

“It’s very simple,” confirmed Kanap. “I’ve read some articles, chatted to friends who have fought battles, stuff like that. People often forget, you don’t actually need experience to be an expert.”

Even experienced military leaders have gained insight from the Feuermarshal, their previously hardwon experience proven wrong with just a few confident words. Sigmar himself has shown an interest, commissioning Kanap to write a strategic treatise that can be distributed among the Stormcast Eternals.

Kanap has the following advice for those seeking to follow his example and become a strategic savant: 

  • Never doubt yourself
  • Always doubt the advice of others (they might be trying to trick you)
  • Never let the experience of others override your own unique insight