Khorne institutes controversial blood offering guidelines

After aeons of caring not from whence the blood flowed, Khorne has recently announced a list of restrictions on how and from where blood should be sourced. Exalted Spokesdaemons have laid the blame on low quality blood corrupting the purity of proper sacrifices, and explained the rules are to encourage an overall higher quality of offering.

A selection of the rules are as follows:

No ‘blood’ extracted from Nighthaunt.
No blood oozed from buboes, welts from barbed whips, or paper cuts inflicted from arcane tomes.
No donors who were living in Shyish during the Necroquake.
No aethergold, Aqua Ghyranis, or any other metaphorical lifeblood from any living faction.
No previously dried blood mixed with water. Khorne can tell the difference.

Any followers wishing to lodge feedback regarding the changes are encouraged to strap an axe at neck height onto a suitably sturdy surface and run at it at full speed.

Rival Slaanesh worshippers caught in infinite temptation loop

What was originally a simple skirmish between two Slaaneshi warlords has now escalated into a conflict of apocalyptic proportions as each warrior offers and in turn immediately accepts forbidden temptations from their rival.

“It’s not meant to go like this,” confided Lushir Pillowtalker, one of the two warlords. “Normally I offer them pleasures beyond imagination, they accept, and I become empowered by Slaanesh. They’re not supposed to do it back to me!”

There seems to be little hope of a speedy conclusion to the situation, as both warriors continue to summon endless hordes of Daemonettes and Keepers of Secrets. A suggestion that they simply stop giving in to temptation was quickly laughed off, with the two agreeing that they didn’t become Slaanesh worshippers because they were good at saying ‘no’.

Nagash demands Necromancer’s Day in wake of Women’s Day

Taking a break from his ancient grudge against Sigmar, Nagash has turned his wrath against the women of the Mortal Realms. Having been advised by Arkhan that the Realms have just celebrated a holiday recognising women from every walk of life, the Supreme Necromancer has immediately issued an edict demanding that all residents of Shyish observe an Interrealm Necromancer’s Day.

“This has been a long time coming,” announced Arkhan the Spokesliche. “No longer will necromancers, particularly supreme ones, go unrecognised for all their hard work.”

Detractors in Azyr have been quick to criticise the move. They have pointed out that Women’s Day is meant to celebrate a typically disadvantaged group whose work often goes unseen, rather than literal death gods. Arkhan has countered, stating that Sigmar has yet to recognise Nagash’s hard work in corralling the souls of the dead or their shepherding to the afterlife. He did not mention Nagash’s practice of conscripting these souls into his personal armies.