Archaon demands creation of ‘Chaos Squig’

In response to falling recruitment numbers and shrinking market share, Archaon Everchosen is executing several bold strategies to shore up the Slaves to Darkness’ bottom line. Amidst new uniforms for the Chaos Chosen and an intensified exercise regime for Daemon Princes, one scheme stands out amongst the rest: the creation of a Chaos equivalent to the iconic greenskin squig.

‘Must be small, preferably round,’ reads the design brief acquired exclusively by the Azyr Weekly. ‘Distinctive physical feature (e.g. teeth) a must. Explore eye size – small and beady proven success, potential in market for large and plate-like. Interesting form of locomotion is a plus.’

Experiments by Tzeentchian magisters to reshape Chaos Spawn into smaller, more attractive forms met with disaster as the resultant Spawnlettes slipped their chains and caused significant slaughter in a nearby cultist encampment. Some hope that these antics could be spun positively in the Khornate and Orruk markets, an angle dismissed as the desperate pipedreams of those that insist that Chaos Spawn must be good for something.

Efforts to meet Archaon’s goals are ongoing, with Flesh Hound breeding programs and Slaaneshi slave raids both providing promising results. We will keep our readers posted as these projects progress.

Editor’s Note: We have received word that a Gaunt Summoner has been defenestrated from the Varanspire after suggesting the use of Nurglings. Whether the move was one of anger from Archaon or genuine embarrassment from not thinking of it first is unclear.

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