Job satisfaction for Warriors, Knights skyrockets – “It’s good to be back”

The most recent survey of the Chaos workforce has just been published, presenting a series of interesting results that the Everchosen has been keen to publicise. The most striking finding has been the job satisfaction numbers for the core troops of the Slaves to Darkness, which have skyrocketed in the wake of their most recent workplace reshuffle.

Chaos Warriors as a cohort have reported a staggering 66% increase in positive responses to the question “Do you feel satisfied with your place in the team?” and a 45% increase to the question “Are you provided with the right tools to perform your tasks?” This has been correlated with a marked increase in their success on the battlefield, earning them their long-awaited day in the sun.

“These banners they’re handing out nowadays are terrific,” commented Irla Stabdoer, Chaos Warrior. “Standing near a smelly scrap of fabric makes me feel ten times tougher. I used to dread coming into work, but now I look forward to it!”

Chaos Knights have likewise found a new lease on life, having finally been taught how to use the full length of their lances. Recent rumours have it that some veterans are seeking to take this a step further, and are pushing the technology to its limits to create a sort of ‘throwing’ spear. More news as it happens.

Archaon beginning to lose track of cults in his service

The year-long recruitment drive for the Slaves to Darkness continues apace, with the Chaos Legionnaries and Horns of Hashut recently being added to the ranks. Despite the benefits this increased manpower brings, some say that Archaon is beginning to regret his popularity and is struggling to keep a handle on all the cults in his army.

Reports indicate that cracks began to show early this year, when Archaon mistook a band of Spire Tyrants for the Corvus Cabal. A dozen Tyrants had already thrown themselves off the edge of a cliff before Archaon realised they were not the airborne killers he had assumed them to be. Tragedy was also narrowly avoided as the Scions of the Flame were recalled moments before marching into the ocean to combat the Deepkin, a strategy approved by the Everchosen who understood the flame to be metaphorical.

That this steady stream of new cults might be a cunning ploy by a rival to undermine the Varanspire’s warmachine has certainly crossed Archaon’s mind. Suspicion has fallen onto Be’lakor, who only a month ago was seen brazenly adding cohorts of Chaos Legionnaires to the Everchosen’s host. Be’lakor has rejected these accusations, insisting that the Legionnaires “have always been a thing.”

Until Archaon is able to consolidate control over his bloated army, a moratorium has been established preventing the adding of new warbands. Applicants are instead encouraged to seek employment with other factions to gain experience and try again later.

Eternus pursued by Sigmarite copyright lawyers

Eternus – Blade of the First Prince, Champion of Black Lightning, Intellectual Property Thief? That is the accusation being leveled at the dark despoiler by the Knights-Solicitor of Sigmar.

The Sigmarite lawyers have lodged a lengthy complaint in the Azyr Tribunal listing the many aspect of Eternus’ character and bearing that bear a striking resemblance to Sigmar’s own Stormcast Eternals. From oversized pauldrons and his storm-themed reincarnation, to his distinctive pose on the battlefield, almost every inch of Eternus has been labelled an illegal imitation.

Be’lakor himself, Eternus’ patron, has refused to entertain these allegations. He instead insists that any similarities fall under fair use as satirising aspects of the Stormcast Eternals and their allies. Our analysts have suggested that this may have been part of the Dark Master’s schemes all along, a plot to position Be’lakor as the peoples’ champion against an overbearing Sigmar. Whether he is able to harness this energy to propel his own original works, or will simply continue to imitate others, remains to be seen.