Azyrheim has played host to the 507th Realm Awards this past week, a festival lauding the greatest and best of the Mortal Realms. With a history of shocks and dramatics the Awards still managed to outdo themselves this year by controversially awarding Skaven-Slayer of the Year to the Grey Seer Thanquol.
We have reproduced his speech here:
“Wow-wow, thank you, thank you. It is a great honour to take-grab this award. There is a rumour-tale in Blight City that the award is made of best-quality warpstone. Maybe I should try some to be sure? Haha, just a jest-joke.
My greatest thanks go to the Great Horned Rat, the most Devious of Devourers, the Tyrant of Tyrants, Sleekest of Fur and Sharpest of Teeth- [ed note: five minutes of titles and accolades removed for brevity]. Also to the Council of Thirteen, for give-offering me the best opportunities to prove my skill-talent.
Skaven pled-beg with me, how did I get here? How did I kill-burn so many Skaven? It is easy when you are me, just maim-slash any rat who speaks up to you, or down to you. Any Skaven who tries to sneak-alter my grand schemes also gets burned, as do any lazy rats who do not contribute. It is these simple rules thatAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
[Ed note: It was at this point that witnesses say Gotrek Gurnisson, the famous slayer, returned from a trip to the restroom. As soon as they made eye contact, onlookers report Gotrek began bellowing and charging through the crowd with his axe raised. At the same time Thanquol began screaming, frantically smashing his warpstone trophy and snorting it through his snout. The venue has been surrounded by green flames for several days, and the yelling inside shows no sign of abatement.]