Generals across the Mortal Realms have submitted a formal complaint to Sigmar, upon his failure to update the Authorised Pantheon Parchment (colloquially known as the APP) alongside his new rules of war issued last month. A copy of this mystical artefact is traditionally handed out to every aspiring warlord, and contains within its depths not only the tabulated rules of war but also an overview of every military force currently mobilised in the Mortal Realms.

“It is fantastically annoying,” confirmed Vanari Lord Regent Samu’el Glossyhair. “Why only the other week we had to pause a battle with the Idoneth to settle a dispute regarding the correct way to cast Arcane Bolt. Normally with the APP we could have settled it in seconds, but as it was I had to send Dawnriders back to the Library of Hysh to check the scrolls there! We got the answer a week later, and only after half of them were murdered by a rogue crab. Complete waste of time.”

There has been no word from the walls of Sigmaron, despite the pleas of many. Missives previously indicating a sort of in-progress version of the APP to be released this month have been magically adjusted to indicate a more nebulous ‘this year’. Some generals in a fit of desperation have turned to the mythical Scribe of Battles, Greater Daemon of Tzeentch, who promises great knowledge to those able to navigate their esoteric maze.

For those individuals out there waiting for the new APP, we recommend checking your old parchments. Rumours of them levitating valuables out of your pockets and vanishing them away to Sigmaron are seen as credible by our fact checkers and should be taken seriously.

Unrest has hit the Realms upon news that two highly anticipated wars, the War of the Open City (WOC) and the War of Malefic Carnage (WMC), have been scheduled over the same blood-soaked weekend.

The marshall of WOC has received much of the blame, since they were the second of the pair to announce the dates for their war. They are unrepentant however, pointing out that the WMC had already run out of space by the time they announced the WOC. They have appealed to the Khornate demographic, insisting that more wars can only be a good thing.

Negotiations between the two parties continue, with many hoping for a reschedule that would allow them to fight in both wars. Some truly enterprising generals are planning for the worst, training a series of messenger squigs to carry orders between the two battles and allow them to fight on both fronts.

Whatever the result, the office of Sigmar Heldenhammer has taken the opportunity to remind all generals that wars are meant to be fun, and to act accordingly.