Terror and fear in the skies above tonight as the Iron Profit, an Arkanaut Ironclad of the Barak-Nar skyport, makes full speed ahead to escape the charge of a maraudering, and unfortunately flying, Stonehorn.
We publish our story on the second day of the Profit’s escape, our news gyrocopter barely keeping pace with the frantic flight. Using an enchanted loud speaker we asked the captain and crew for any comment they wanted to provide, but received only panicked shouts and curses in response.
According to experts on the ground, there are few options available for the fleeing Ironclad. The most popular, though least likely to work, relies on the vessel still maintaining stocks of the previously standard-issue Warp-Lightning-Vortex-in-a-Bottle. Older models grounded their victims when deployed, an ability which could very well save the Iron Profit’s hull today. If the vessel is unable to find such a device, then its options narrow to blasting the Stonehorn out of the sky (which would require a severely unprofitable expenditure of ammunition), or simply hoping that the beast gets bored and stops. Given the notoriously rock-hard brains of the beasts, this last option seems unlikely.
Disturbances in the Realm of Ghur this morning as Gurlog Gitkicker, Ogor Tyrant, expresses his dismay at having his legions destroyed minutes after starting battle. His disappointment is immense, and the fact that he decided to field an army consisting entirely out of gnoblars has yet to factor into his analysis.
“It’s supposed to be a fair fight,” insisted Gitkicker. “Something is broken when an Ogor can’t raise an army of tiny gits and take on the world with it.”
His compatriots have run the gamut from understanding to frustrated, indicating that this has not been the first time that Gitkicker has chosen such an unorthodox strategy. “Last time we was on the Mawpath he just took a fistfull of Stonehorns and stuck ‘em right on the line. Purple Sun drifted over, blasted ‘alf of ‘em to ash. He ‘ates magic now, you never ‘ear the end of it.”
Gitlicker has rejected offers of advice from his fellow Ogors, vowing to walk his own path no matter what the naysayers might think. His next daring adventure is reportedly to adopt a pair of Aleguzzler Gargants into his force, a move described as ‘bold’ and ‘certainly unique’ by commentators.
Shocking news from the College of Gastrology today as resident academics float their latest theory: an ogor is merely a fully grown halfling.
“We got our start from the study of orruks,” explained lead researcher and Ogor specialist Rel Bitedodger. “It’s common knowledge that the more an Orruk fights the bigger they get, so we thought it made sense to apply the paradigm to other creatures of Destruction.”
Halfling communities are outraged at the news, and have petitioned the College to withdraw what they call outrageous slander. “Just because we love to gorge on food and drink, utilise culinary tools in battle, and have a friendly camaraderie does not make us the same species!” claimed Spokescook Dodgil Doublecake.
The College remains convinced however, and has continued to promulgate their beliefs throughout the populace using several methods. The most popular thus far have been free pamphlets, with such titles as ‘Gluttons From Cradle to Grave’ and ‘Half Of What? The Halflings’ Secret’.