Fyreslayers spend trouser budget on ur-gold, again

Frustration in Azyr today as Fyreslayer lodges of all stripes continue to plough money into buying ur-gold runes instead of necessities like clothes.

This marks the sixth year of continued mismanagement by the Fyreslayers, with financial aid provided by the Alliance of Order continuing to be squandered. There are now talks from some, most prominently from the Kharadron Overlords, of stepping in and fixing things forcefully. The idea is unpopular, and faced backlash from those who want to dig deeper into the issue.

“The question we need to be asking ourselves is, why?” insists Huwic Sparksmother, a Fyreslayer expert. “We can assume that on some level Fyreslayers do want to wear clothes and interact with society, but they don’t follow through. We need to be honest and admit that until we help them overcome their ur-gold addiction, this is going to continue to be a vicious cycle.”

It appears so far that nobody has asked the Fyreslayers what they want. Our reporter visited a series of magmaholds and found the residents unconcerned about the withdrawal of financial aid. Many were sceptical about the motivations involved, pointing out that the Kharadron Overlords collectively control around 40% of the Realms’ clothing market and would make a tidy profit if the Fyreslayers changed their ways.

“They can keep their filthy rags, my runes keep me warm well enough,” said one Fyreslayer. “And if they can’t stand the sight of some well-crafted glutes, then that’s their loss.”

Fyreslayer recruitment slammed for anti-diversity practices

For years rumours have circulated around the Fyreslayers’ uniquely uniform appearance. This has culminated in an investigation begun this morning, sparked by evidence that the Runefathers are hiring duardin solely on their looks.

The Sacred Molten Alliance of Lodge Lords, an organisation that purports to represent the leaders of the Fyreslayers, has pushed back at the accusation and released a statement confirming that their hiring practices are strictly based on merit. They acknowledge that there is a look distinctive to the Fyreslayers, but claim ‘it is merely happenstance that the best fighters have bulging muscles, great orange mohawks, and look good in the nude.’ They go on to claim that they do value diversity, and are proud of the work they have done in this regard.

The Azyr Weekly attempted to verify these claims of a diverse fighting force, but has been stymied by what seems to be deliberate misdirection. Hours of negotiations with what we understood to be a local Runeson were wasted when we discovered we had been haggling with a janitor.

As we go to print, we have just received word of a concession by the Fyreslayers, requiring that all warriors must wear nametags while out in the field. The move has been positively received, but is seen as not going far enough by some. A petition requesting that ‘All Fyreslayer leaders dye their mohawks blue’ has been circulating amongst the cities of Azyr, and is quickly picking up signatures.

Namarti morale boosted after troops issued longer swords

In a masterstroke that addresses both military effectiveness and cultural morale, the rulers of the Idoneth Deepkin have issued Namarti Thralls with weapons carrying significantly more reach than they had previously enjoyed.

“I gotta tell you, this is pretty terrific,” admitted a Thrall we approached for comment, testing their weapon in the training grounds. “It’s about time those Auralan Wardens got their comeuppance.”

The change comes in response to long-standing complaints from Deepkin generals, who were concerned that their Thralls were not able to effectively utilise their weapons in combat. Criticism of the new weapons has been minor, and mostly sourced from Deepkin with investments in Fangmora Eel farms.

Attention now shifts to the Akhelian, who have demanded similar attention. Development on the concept of ‘long sharks’ continues apace, but has yet to produce viable results.