It has been months since Duinclaw, the little crab that could, ascended to godhood on a wave of passionate belief and fanatical faith. In that time the crustacean has tasted all the fruits that divinity has to offer, and has reportedly grown tired of his blessed existence.
“Phlbth,” he burbled to us, exuding a sense of both supreme power and deep-seated weariness.
This exhaustion with godhood is not a new phenomenon, and we have reason to believe that every god has encountered it at some point in their lives. The most common restorative appears to be taking up a hobby, as demonstrated by Khorne’s skull throne, Nagash’s black pyramids, and Teclis’ penchant for murdering his own children.
In order to reflect on his existence, Duinclaw intends to take a holiday for a short while. He leaves his followers in the talented fins of his companion Spinefin, who has promised to continue Duinclaw’s magnanimous reign until he returns. The God-Crab’s own plans are being kept secret to protect his privacy, but rumours indicate he plans to bury himself in sand for a while and perhaps snap his claws at some birds, one of his old favourite pastimes.
Despite hopes to the contrary, the recent reorganisation of the Deepkin military has not affected what some consider to be the Idoneth’s deepest flaw – a complete inability to let other people have a go.
“Every time you think it’ll be different,” confided a landbound general who wished to remain anonymous. “First moments of a battle, it’s fine. But then something clicks and they’re all over you like an ogor at a picnic. My soldiers have been training for months. Do you know how hard it is to tell them they won’t get a chance to swing their swords, just because you saw a wet aelf in the distance? It breaks their little hearts.”
The Idoneth Deepkin on the other hand have taken offence at what they call ‘needless negativity’, explaining that their tendency to jump in is a treasured aspect of their culture. Attempts to reign the aleves in have been labelled an act of jealousy, further inflaming tensions.
The aelves have found an unlikely ally in the Ironjawz, who admire their ability to get stuck in regardless of the supposed proper order. They have extended an invitation for the Deepkin to abandon the alliance of Order and join Destruction, in order to escape having to live with such negativity. The Deepkin are supposedly considering the offer on the provision that the orruks guarantee that Teclis won’t be able to join as well.
The Fyreslayers are well known for their traditional, tight-knit communities. It perhaps came as a surprise to his lodge then when Gunkar Magmaslurper decided to ‘stick it to the forgefather’ and shave off his traditional mohawk.
“I just needed to express myself, and Grimnir knows the lodges don’t allow a lot of room for that. So after a lot of thought I decided this was the best way forward. And by the ur-gold I feel fantastic!”
Speaking with Gunkar’s friends and family the sense of shock is palpable, with many not understanding his motivations. Some are questioning why he didn’t follow the traditional path of a Fyreslayer in crisis and purchase an especially ostentatious axe. His father in particular, Duntahn Magmaslurper, is lamenting the loss of a proud family tradition of resplendent mohawks.
On top of this, Gunkar’s actions have potentially sparked a craze within the Fyreslayer community. We have heard reports of several young Fyreslayers shaving their heads, loitering around Zharrgrim temples, and listening to fine orchestral music in their spare time. This new sub-culture, named Gunk in honour of its first practitioner, has been received with trepidation by the Fyreslayer elders, who are concerned that it may lead to a downturn in violence in the youth.