Mortarch just out to cause trouble

Frustration tonight in the Realm of Death as Mannfred, Mortarch of Night, proves to be a continuous thorn in the side of anyone just trying to get on and have a good time.

“He’s always been a problem child,” admitted Arkhan, Mortarch of Sacrament and ex-pile of dust. “Just last week he was shadowing our top Wight Kings, prattling on about clocks. An absolute menace.”

This of course isn’t the only drama shrouding the maligned Mortarch, who has been exceptionally busy as of late – many of our readers may have experienced his polarising diatribes regarding the role of professional competition amongst the armies of the Mortal Realms. The ensuing debates started several small wars all on their own, a fact that reportedly had Mannfred in stitches.

When approached by our reporters Mannfred was unrepentant, denying his role in any of the latest conflicts. Instead he pointed to his fellow Mortarchs, insisting that their jealousy of his own reputation was motivating them to take drastic action to gain attention. The other Mortarchs fervently denied this claim, with Katakros apparently having no idea who Mannfred actually was.

Stormcast technically undead- Azyr in uproar

A pedantic scholar has done what centuries of work by the Ruinous Powers could not – completely undermined trust in Sigmar’s Stormcast Eternals. They have demonstrated that, by most measures, the Stormcast Eternals actually represent a form of undead necromancy. In the spirit of honest journalism, we have reprinted the accusation below.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the living dead possess the following qualities:

  • They were at one point living beings
  • They at some point suffered a death to their mortal bodies
  • A portion of their self has been shackled for use by a powerful wizard or magical energy beyond their natural lifespan

It pains me to my core to say this, but Sigmar Heldenhammer, blessed be his name, has been tricked by the wicked necromancer Nagash and employed these dark magicks in the defence of Azyr! We can demonstrate this as follows:

  • All Stormcast Eternals profess to have begun their existence as living beings
  • If the heralds are to be believed, all Stormcast Eternals had their souls snatched away at the moment of their slaying by the foes of Sigmar
  • This soul has been reforged by Sigmar into a form utterly in thrall to his wishes

We beseech all true believers to strike back against these ghoulish horrors, and stop the pollution of the sacred ground of Azyr. Pray that Sigmar sees the error of his ways before it is too late!

ATTENTION READER. THE PRECEEDING TEXT HAS BEEN DEEMED HERETICAL BY THE LORD-CENSOR. REPORT TO THE LOCAL CRUSADE RECRUITMENT OFFICER TO PROVE YOUR LOYALTY IMMEDIATELY.

Nagash Slams Rallying – “They Stole My Necromancy”

The Supreme Necromancer has come out hard this morning against the proliferation of ‘rallying’ amongst the factions of the Mortal Realms. Far from a mundane exercise in morale boosting, Nagash has accused users of employing necromancy to resurrect slain comrades without his explicit authorisation.

“The Lord Nagash is Supreme Lord of the Undead,” explained spokesliche Arkhan the Black. “And returning soldiers from the dead, no matter the technique, makes those soldiers undead. There’s no two ways about it.”

Nagash has submitted papers to Azyr, demanding the Alliances of Order and Destruction cease use of necromantic ‘rallying’ rituals, asserting that their use falls solely within the boundaries of Death and can’t be used without permission. The Ossiarch Bonesolicitors are currently investigating its use by Chaos, specifically whether it meets the ‘Daemonic Shenanigans’ test which would allow its use there.

Opponents of Nagash have not taken the accusation well, immediately listing reasons why rallying does not fall within the purview of necromancy. The list includes the lack of explicit wizardry, its availability to even magically-challenged races, and the suggestion that the targets of rallying are merely ‘having a rest’. The trial date is due to be set soon, and will be presided over by the well respected sage Lord Kroak.

Editor’s Note: We have just heard that Nagash has refused to deal with Lord Kroak, accusing the ancient Slann of being an ‘illegally undead frog’. Reportedly Sigmar is intending to nominate the Celestant-Prime as a replacement, a suggestion that has lead our reporters to preemptively evacuate the court room. We apologise for the inconvenience and will return to providing the news as soon as it is safe to do so.