Nurgle word game takes Realms by storm

Sweeping the Mortal Realms faster than the plagues its namesake brews, Nurgle has become a quick favourite for those needing a quick daily break from the age of endless war. Here’s how it works:

A grid of buboes will appear on the user’s skin, typically the thigh or another location with a lot of space. The bearer then has six attempts to guess a word randomly chosen each day, with their guesses becoming imprinted on each fleshy lump. The grid itself will give hints to the bearer, filling with yellow fluid if a letter is correct but misplaced, and squirting celebratory mucus on a correct guess.

The Order of Azyr has taken a grim view of the pastime, citing the daemonic influence and the time wasted at work. Sanitisation stations have been set up to allow those afflicted to have the grid removed without charge, though potential users are recommended to organise a week of work following the procedure in order to recover.

Editor’s note: We have received word that a failure to guess the word after six attempts may result in the player’s belly rupturing with a parade of Nurglings. For players on their sixth guess we recommend staying calm, finding a friend, and consulting your local dictiomancer. 

“It’ll be our time soon,” insists Gor about to die from old age

Today marks the annual Proclamation of the Coming Beastening, a regular event put on by local beastman Merinok the Prophet. Every year the aging Gor stands upon his rock on the border of town, and vows the impending victory of beast-kind.

“You shoe-wearers’ days are numbered!” wheezed Merinok, leaning heavily on his club. “The Brayherds are rising, just you wait!”

Commentators have advised onlookers to take these doomsayings with a grain of salt, pointing out that Merinok has been saying this for years without much success. One particularly omniscient seer was able to peer into alternate realities, and revealed that even in other dimensions beastmen have tended to receive a low estimation from their opponents. 

Sadly it seems Merinok’s days of prophecy are numbered, with the elderly gor hanging onto life by a thread. Rumours indicate that his health is such that the only food he is able to consume is soup, a suggestion furiously refused by the Beastman.

Followers of the Prophet may have reason to hope however, as news filters through the Realms of the victories of a herd of Bullgors in the Vega Plains. Upon hearing the news Merinok was able to launch into a second lengthy diatribe, wowing the town’s inhabitants but reportedly not impressing the other Beastmen, who have apparently heard it all before.

Adversies in disagreement over objectives

A tale as old as time is playing out in the plains of Ghur today as two warlords stand in staunch opposition as to what their goals are in their upcoming battle, and how they might identify the actual victor.

Reginald the Oblique, notorious Freeguild general, has insisted that the fight centre around six objectives, set in two sets of three against each army’s area of deployment. The general has also suggested that each objective may be destroyed in order to yield extra strategic value, though the practicalities of this have yet to be established. 

His rival, famed Ossiarch strategist Klarak the Kneetaker, has refused his terms. She has pointed out subsections snuck into the contract meaning that the basic rank-and-file will take precedence when considering control of vital battlefield points. Pointing out that the Freeguild greatly outnumber her own Mortek, she sees this as an unfair advantage. She instead recommends fighting over the centre of the battlefield where her force’s resilience can prove decisive.

The deadlock seems likely to continue, with no end in sight. A rare hope of a solution occurred when a passerby suggested that the battle’s goals be decided randomly just before the fight was due to begin, but this has only served to open a third front in the discussion and has helped nobody.