Authors rush to complete Battlescroll substitute

It has been over a month since the prophesied return of the Battlescroll, a powerful artefact published by Sigmar every quarter with the power to determine the fate of entire armies. Despair at first turned to frustration, but now to opportunity as wordsmiths around the Realms attempt to pen their own competing versions to fill the void.

“The cost to summon daemons of Nurgle is to drop by half,” declared the Buboescroll, a foul document penned by plague worshippers. “The resilience of rot flies is to be doubled, and the spell casting ability of all magical true-believers increased. Thanks be to the Grandfather!”

The Battleshell crafted by the Idoneth Deepkin adopted a similar tone, demanding an increase to the range of Namarti Reavers’ bows and the ability to change the tides of the aethersea at a whim. We have also been provided a calcified Bonescroll from Vokmortian of the Ossiarch Bonereapers, but unfortunately the list is simply too extensive to replicate here.

We have yet to receive word from Sigmaron regarding the release date of the official Battlescroll, and there have been few hints upon which we could make our own predictions. However experts agree that it cannot be delayed for much longer, as every day it is not released the horde of angry grots demanding its arrival only grows angrier and more squig-filled.

Disciples of Tzeentch, Lumineth scry future, call off battle due to foregone conclusion

A highly anticipated battle between the forces of Teclis and Tzeentch was called off at the last minute today as seers from both sides have agreed on the inevitable outcome before it could begin.

“Ultimately it saves us a lot of hassle,” confirmed the Magister in charge of the Tzeentchian host. “We’ve foreseen the inevitable casualty rates, strategic manoeuvres, and all the associated twists and turns. So instead of getting all worked up we’ve decided to take the day off.”

The decision has been welcomed by the soldiery who would have had to risk life and limb in the battle. The top brass back home however are less pleased, and feel robbed of the drama only a high-stakes clash can provide. They have sent orders that those soldiers destined to fall in battle be executed anyway to add a little excitement to the day, a request the armies are less than thrilled about.

Gnomad trail goes off course, passes through Varanspire

Confusion in the Eightpoints today as Archaon and his Varanguard bore witness to a Gnomad caravan crashing directly through the Varanspire. Taken completely by surprise the Herald of the Apocolypse was unable to take any retributive action, staring dumbfounded as the Feastmasters herded their charges along the trail and straight through his supposedly impenetrable defences.

The situation is nigh unprecedented, with Chaos scholars unable to explain the cause. The Gnomad trails, magical arteries of life that course through the Realms, were thrown into disarray during the Necroquake and have reportedly gone off course with increasing regularity. However this is the first reported instance of a trail passing so near to the Realm of Chaos.

The Gnomads reportedly took the encounter with stoic determination, keeping their heads down as they trudged on through the Chaotic stronghold. This comes as no surprise to the few experts who specialise in the near-mythical race. We spoke to Feastmaster expert Warren Datsonn for more:

“The Gnomads take two things seriously; food, and their duty on the trails. It is their job to guide the wildlife of the Realms along these paths, whether that’s to take them to greener pastures, ancestral breeding grounds, or anything of the sort. If the Everchosen didn’t take any action against the Feastmasters, then I’m sure they would have just kept to themselves and kept going.”

The Varanguard are currently engaged in cleaning up after the procession, repairing the rubble left by the passage of rugged crag-ibexes and sturdy caravans. Particular damage has been down to the fortress’ granaries, with much of the Varanspire’s stores purloined by intrepid Trail Thieves. Whether the food is considered palatable by the Gnomads is anybody’s guess, though Archaon can be assured that anything not fit for the table will be returned via Gnomad Hot Pot should the trail ever pass that way again.

(Editor’s Note: Like what you’ve read? Check out the beta version of Battletome: Gnomad Feastmasters and other details here.)