“We’ve always had a strong rune culture” – Lumineth and Fyreslayers at loggerheads

One of the oldest rivalries in the Mortal Realms has escalated as Fyreslayer elders react in horror to the Lumineth’s new battlefield rune system.

“Runes mean duardin, and duardin mean runes!” insisted Wylim Thwackhammer, Vostarg Spokesfather. “These flouncy elgi think, just because they have tall towers and magic tricks, that they can take whatever they like.”

The Lumineth have rejected this characterisation, explaining that they engaged duardin runic advisers when crafting their own rune system. They will also be donating 5% of any treasure gained to charities involved in giving shirts to impoverished duardin youth.

“We hope to honour our duardin allies with our new runes, and build on the rich cultural legacy that they have gifted us.”

Rebel Fyreslayer removes mohawk

The Fyreslayers are well known for their traditional, tight-knit communities. It perhaps came as a surprise to his lodge then when Gunkar Magmaslurper decided to ‘stick it to the forgefather’ and shave off his traditional mohawk.

“I just needed to express myself, and Grimnir knows the lodges don’t allow a lot of room for that. So after a lot of thought I decided this was the best way forward. And by the ur-gold I feel fantastic!”

Speaking with Gunkar’s friends and family the sense of shock is palpable, with many not understanding his motivations. Some are questioning why he didn’t follow the traditional path of a Fyreslayer in crisis and purchase an especially ostentatious axe. His father in particular, Duntahn Magmaslurper, is lamenting the loss of a proud family tradition of resplendent mohawks.

On top of this, Gunkar’s actions have potentially sparked a craze within the Fyreslayer community. We have heard reports of several young Fyreslayers shaving their heads, loitering around Zharrgrim temples, and listening to fine orchestral music in their spare time. This new sub-culture, named Gunk in honour of its first practitioner, has been received with trepidation by the Fyreslayer elders, who are concerned that it may lead to a downturn in violence in the youth.

Fyreslayers spend trouser budget on ur-gold, again

Frustration in Azyr today as Fyreslayer lodges of all stripes continue to plough money into buying ur-gold runes instead of necessities like clothes.

This marks the sixth year of continued mismanagement by the Fyreslayers, with financial aid provided by the Alliance of Order continuing to be squandered. There are now talks from some, most prominently from the Kharadron Overlords, of stepping in and fixing things forcefully. The idea is unpopular, and faced backlash from those who want to dig deeper into the issue.

“The question we need to be asking ourselves is, why?” insists Huwic Sparksmother, a Fyreslayer expert. “We can assume that on some level Fyreslayers do want to wear clothes and interact with society, but they don’t follow through. We need to be honest and admit that until we help them overcome their ur-gold addiction, this is going to continue to be a vicious cycle.”

It appears so far that nobody has asked the Fyreslayers what they want. Our reporter visited a series of magmaholds and found the residents unconcerned about the withdrawal of financial aid. Many were sceptical about the motivations involved, pointing out that the Kharadron Overlords collectively control around 40% of the Realms’ clothing market and would make a tidy profit if the Fyreslayers changed their ways.

“They can keep their filthy rags, my runes keep me warm well enough,” said one Fyreslayer. “And if they can’t stand the sight of some well-crafted glutes, then that’s their loss.”