Flesh-eater Courts misread memo, attempt rank-and-flank

Recent rumours of an Old World revival have taken the Mortal Realms by storm. Chivalrous knights in particular have been inspired by the news but, due to a series of unfortunate miscommunications, the rumours have been wildly misinterpreted by the Flesh-eater Courts, who have begun to rank up like the mighty armies of yore.

The move has been met by bemusement by many of the ghouls’ rivals, who are used to their eccentric behaviour.

“Yeah, it happens pretty often,” confided a regular opponent of the Flesh-eaters. “Sometimes they’ll bring out this big battle standard and try to join up with the Soulblight, sometimes they’ll assemble their army according to some arcane percentage-based system. They normally get sick of it pretty quickly though.”

We sent our reporters to survey the ghouls, and they wrote back describing great wheeling formations of squares and wedges. Their account also included descriptions of violent arguments erupting over how many degrees different regiments had shifted or the approach made by adversaries as they charged into flanks. Whether the Flesh-eater Courts will stick with this style of maneuver or return to a more civilized mode of war remains to be seen.

Ghoul King completes rite of passage, carves throne from rock.

What is a king without his throne? This is a question that plagues all members of the Flesh-eater Courts, and it is a widely held belief that a Ghoul King cannot truly claim the title until he has carved himself his own throne. Festivities are in order then for the Grand Court of Femural, whose king Gabber the Fourth has just completed his own granite masterpiece.

“It’s a solid piece of work if I do say so myself,” cackled Gabber regally, slapping the throne’s side. “Very ornate, very kingly. A real symbol of our noble heritage.”

Questions have been asked about whether the king intends to leave the throne at home when he takes to the battlefield, a proposal that Gabber refuses to entertain. He went to great pains to explain that the Royal Workout is specifically designed to enable him to drag the throne wherever he goes. “Certainly easier than the old menhir I had to carry,” explained the king. “And this one’s much easier to climb.”

When asked for advice he might give any aspiring Ghoul Kings, Gabber had this to say: “Be patient, and take things a step at a time. Remember you’re a king, and you need to always conduct yourself appropriately. If we don’t have our dignity, then what do we have left?”

Local king declared insane, believes self to be flesh-eating ghoul

Long teetering on the edge of eccentricity, the Azyr Weekly can now confirm that King Theodar of the Gildenspire has finally plunged into madness. Confirming the worst fears of his friends and family the king has renamed himself King Theokā€™da of the Gorespike, and resorted to cannibalism.

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