“They must be up to something” – Gloomspite Gitz’ underperformance sparks desperate hope

It has been several days since the much-anticipated re-emergence of the Gloomspite Gitz failed to materialise, the spotlight instead being stolen by the Mawtribes and Sons of Behemat. Supporters of the diminutive greenskins were initially left flabbergastered, but have since gathered themselves and developed a hypothesis – the grots are waiting for something bigger.

“Da Bad Moon wouldn’t leave us like this,” insisted one Gloomspite devotee. “Skragrott’s gonna come back riding a troggoth I bet. Or maybe they’ll have developed a new kind of Spiderfang spider. Squigs with even bigger teeth are a possibility too. All I know is, this can’t be it!”

Cynics have done little to engage with the fans, seemingly loath to lay into a git while they’re down. Instead they have restricted themselves to gently correcting obvious falsehoods, such as the rumour that any grot pledging themselves to Chaos will be included in Archaon’s own revamp at the end of the year.

For any readers hoping to support the Gloomspite in their time of need, there will be an Adopt-a-Trogg drive next week where contributors can fund the growth and maintenance of a Dankhold Troggoth.* 

*Please note that any individuals seen attending this event will be arrested immediately for treason against Sigmar.

Kharadron Overlord profits up despite grot boycott

The annual profit reports issued by the Geldraad council are appointment reading for the economists of the Realms, representing the total gross revenue streams of all the skyports pledged to the Kharadron Code. Today’s report represents another success for the Kharadron, showing continued profit despite heavy economic headwinds. The finding has generated some surprise in the wider community, but none are more shocked than the Cutbait Grots – a confederation of grots dedicated to fulfilling prophecies of the skyports’ demise.

Microboss Loudnag, leader of the confederation, has refused to comment on the news. They have instead locked themselves away with their most trusted followers, presumably poring over the reports in minute detail to uncover some hidden disaster. Rumours have it that Loudnag is only able to sustain his current standard of living (most famously being able to afford two pet squigs and as many shrooms as he can snort) through the donations of the faithful, an income stream that may dry up should the prophecies prove without substance.

“He probably just has to be patient,” advised financial commentator Helg Shortcall. “Profits rise and fall, and it’s just a matter of time until the Geldraad has an unprofitable year, or at the very least a less-profitable one. If Loudnag can last until then, he can jump back in guns blazing.”

Editor’s note: As we go to print Loudnag has issued his response, proclaiming that the Geldraad’s profit increased at a rate slower than the annual rate of inflation, thus representing an actual loss. Although shaky, the statement appears to have shored up his congregation and they seem as confident as ever of the Kharadron Overlords’ imminent downfall.

Army of Gnoblars immediately routed – “There was nothing I could do”

Disturbances in the Realm of Ghur this morning as Gurlog Gitkicker, Ogor Tyrant, expresses his dismay at having his legions destroyed minutes after starting battle. His disappointment is immense, and the fact that he decided to field an army consisting entirely out of gnoblars has yet to factor into his analysis.

“It’s supposed to be a fair fight,” insisted Gitkicker. “Something is broken when an Ogor can’t raise an army of tiny gits and take on the world with it.”

His compatriots have run the gamut from understanding to frustrated, indicating that this has not been the first time that Gitkicker has chosen such an unorthodox strategy. “Last time we was on the Mawpath he just took a fistfull of Stonehorns and stuck ‘em right on the line. Purple Sun drifted over, blasted ‘alf of ‘em to ash. He ‘ates magic now, you never ‘ear the end of it.”

Gitlicker has rejected offers of advice from his fellow Ogors, vowing to walk his own path no matter what the naysayers might think. His next daring adventure is reportedly to adopt a pair of Aleguzzler Gargants into his force, a move described as ‘bold’ and ‘certainly unique’ by commentators.