Tag: Chaos

Blightking feels well, skips battle

Embarrassment in Nurgle’s legions today as we receive word that Gorgulch the Wartful, Blightking, has excused himself from an upcoming battle due to feeling perky and ‘on the ball’.

“I’m really sorry guys,” reads a note exclusively obtained by the Azyr Weekly. “I haven’t leaked any pus from my boils all night, and they’re even drier this morning. I don’t think I’ll be any use at the battle today, and I’m worried about not spreading anything.”

Exalted Spokesdaemons from Nurgle’s Garden have refused to comment directly on the matter, only issuing a statement that reiterates Nurgle’s commitment to a diseased and rotting workforce. Gorgulch has also avoided our reporters, laying low while he recuperates.

The cause for Gorgulch’s situation is unknown, but may be the result of a proposed Anti-Plague being prepared by the Clans Pestilens. Rumours have it that this sickness reverses sicknesses sourced from Grandfather Nurgle, with the goal of later replacing them with Great Horned Rat-approved illnesses. Publications labelling this supposed plague a treatment have been labelled as ‘lies-slander’ by the Plague Priests.

Gnawholes to be made ‘Doomwheel accessible’

After a concerted campaign by the Clans Skryre, and several unrelated yet catastrophic explosions throughout Blight City, the Masterclan have caved to the warlocks’ demands. All Skaven barracks, warrens, and Gnawholes are now required to be accessible via ramps strong enough to carry the weight of a fully operational Doomwheel.

The ramps, once constructed, will provide an easy mode of travel through the Under-Empire for those warlock-engineers who have wired themselves directly into Doomwheels. Previously this could only be achieved through the backbreaking labour of clanrats, who would have to haul the contraptions up stairs or through Gnawholes themselves. Despite the relative affordability of a functioning clanrat, warlock-engineers would rather spend their clanrat-allowance on the testing of cutting-edge weaponry thus leaving them isolated from the wider community.

The move has been something of a no-brainer by some, allowing as it does a significant portion of Skavendom to reclaim their place in society. By taking this fairly simple step, explain the experts, Skavendom can now enjoy a greater level of participation from all rats, which can already be seen in increased Stormfiend production and a more thorough integration of Warpstone Spark technology into the Council of Thirteen’s plots. The fact that the Skaven did not realise this sooner is described as testament to their selfish and divisive ways.

Editor’s note: We have been asked by the Order of Azyr to request that our readers stop petitioning Sigmar for written copies of his proclamations. Citizens unable to hear the announcements of the Knights-Heraldor are suggested to engage the services of an interpreter. Due to the ongoing wars in Ghur, no subsidies will be provided.