Krondspine ownership out of reach for struggling warlords

The manifestion of the Krondspine Incarnate, a living symbol of the ferocity of Ghur, has set the Realms aflame, with generals from all factions discussing the potential benefits of binding one of their very own. However many have been hesitant to join the conversation as they realise that their financial reserves are insufficient to join the party.

“It’s a blow to the ego, that’s for sure,” confirmed a warlord who spoke to us anonymously. “You want to be on the cutting edge of military science and engage with these new developments, but it seems like they are increasingly out of reach.”

The high cost of binding a Krondspine has been put down to the necessity of owning at least several square kilometres of Ghurish real estate, a lack of which will result in the Krondspine refusing to appear. Why this is the case is uncertain, though some have suggested this is a move by Sigmar to encourage his colonisation efforts and create the impression of a booming housing market in the Realm of Beasts.

Wily generals have taken matters into their own hands and begun to construct their own Krondspines, many utilising a magical resin to form a rough approximation. Others have begun lashing bones together with twine and sinew, binding a pair of Ravenak’s Gnashing Jaws to one end to complete the look. Many claim that their creations perform just as well as the real thing, or even better, at a fraction of the cost. What effect this will have on the appearance of future Incarnates, or Ghurish land values, remains to be seen.

Authorities warn of hidden ‘Clown Dimension’

Pamphlets have been distributed amongst the mystical covens of the Realms, warning would-be wizards of the dangers of the newly discovered Clown Dimension.

“Be Warned,” begins the pamphlet, written in a very serious font. “The Collegiate Arcane has evidence that there is a world besides our own, separated from us only by the thinnest of barriers. This realm, our augurs show, is becoming increasingly overrun by a faction of murderous, rabid clowns. We are confident that you recognise the danger of the situation.”

Practitioners of magic are urged to follow the following rules, in order to prevent the Clown Dimension from crossing into our own:

  • When casting spells, wear clothing with solid colours. Bright patterns, particularly those involving diamonds, are to be avoided.
  • Avoid using puns, sarcasm, or dramatic irony within 30 steps of any summoning circles.
  • Under absolutely no circumstances should you ever, ever advise a mysterious apparition that you are ‘down to clown’.

Failure to follow these instructions may lead to a clown invasion (also known as a ‘clownvasion’) which will impact the battlefields of the Mortal Realms for years to come. Readers are encouraged to stay strong during these troubled times, and approach things with a sense of calm and good humour grim resolve.

Resplendent daemonic horde faces monochromatic counterpart

Ul’katoosh, Lord of Change, has long been known throughout the Realms not only for their flawless generalship, but also for the incredibly high standard of their army’s appearance. It has come as little surprise then to hear that they have engaged in bitter combat with a rival, the greyscale legion of Tooshka’ul. 

A tale as old as time, Ul’katoosh has taken offence at their rival’s paucity of colour. According to those with first hand experience fighting for the Greater Daemon, they spend an extravagant amount of time polishing their minions’ armour, designing elaborate tattoos, and orchestrating waves of daemonic colour to create the most spectacular impression on the battlefield. The concept of an army completely devoid of vibrancy is abhorrent to the Lord of Change, thus sparking the violent conflict we see today.

It seems unlikely that the two Greater Daemons will find any common ground, and as time goes on daemonic allies from both sides are beginning to join the fray. We will bring you any updates as they occur, but this reporter is doubtful that anything can change.

Update: We are pleased to report that the unthinkable has happened. According to our sources the two Greater Daemons, previously committed to bellowing passionate threats at each other across the battlefield, took to talking during a lull in the fighting. We can exclusively report that Tooshka’ul, master of the colourless horde, complimented Ul’katoosh’s resplendent force and generalship, and revealed that he had only summoned his own army in order to have the chance to test wits against him in battle. Ul’katoosh graciously accepted the compliment and extended one in return, commending Tooshka’ul’s ability on the battlefield. He admitted that although he much prefers fighting a force as beautiful as his own, he had still enjoyed their melee a great deal. The two have shaken hands, promising to see each other once again. 

The Order of Azyr forbids any citizen of the Free Cities from learning lessons from the Daemons of Chaos.