Army of Gnoblars immediately routed – “There was nothing I could do”

Disturbances in the Realm of Ghur this morning as Gurlog Gitkicker, Ogor Tyrant, expresses his dismay at having his legions destroyed minutes after starting battle. His disappointment is immense, and the fact that he decided to field an army consisting entirely out of gnoblars has yet to factor into his analysis.

“It’s supposed to be a fair fight,” insisted Gitkicker. “Something is broken when an Ogor can’t raise an army of tiny gits and take on the world with it.”

His compatriots have run the gamut from understanding to frustrated, indicating that this has not been the first time that Gitkicker has chosen such an unorthodox strategy. “Last time we was on the Mawpath he just took a fistfull of Stonehorns and stuck ‘em right on the line. Purple Sun drifted over, blasted ‘alf of ‘em to ash. He ‘ates magic now, you never ‘ear the end of it.”

Gitlicker has rejected offers of advice from his fellow Ogors, vowing to walk his own path no matter what the naysayers might think. His next daring adventure is reportedly to adopt a pair of Aleguzzler Gargants into his force, a move described as ‘bold’ and ‘certainly unique’ by commentators.

Price of blood skyrockets – worshippers suffer

Despite record levels of violence and mayhem throughout the Realms, blood worshippers of all kinds have been struggling at the artery as the price of blood continues to skyrocket.

“We just thank Khorne that he’s also fond of skulls,” confided Sar’dob, Khornate cultist. “But it’s hard to harvest skulls sustainably, you know? It’s a one and done deal most of the time, and we’ve been trying to minimise waste.”

The followers of Morathi-Khaine have not been so lucky, with their goddess refusing to compromise on her sacrifice of choice. Efforts to replace the precious liquid with the supposedly equivalent sweat and tears have thus far been unsuccessful, with the Daughters of Khaine being unfamiliar with the concept of actually putting some effort in.

Reasons for the blood shortage are complex, however the main culprit seems to be the increasingly common occurance of weapons that don’t leave behind a body to drain the liquid from. Turned to dust by a Purple Sun, incinerated by dragonfire, or simply exploded by the charge of a regiment of bounty hunters, the paths to bodily annihilation have grown exceedingly common in the Mortal Realms.

For many at home, the mounting costs have only accelerated a transition to a souls-based economy. For those interested in switching to spirit offerings, please contact your local Nagashite Sigmarite temple.

Gods, heroes living in fear of Purple Sun

A new day has dawned on the Mortal Realms with the rising of the Purple Sun of Shyish. Historically regarded as a mystical oddity, the amethyst sphere has recently gained a deadly new luminescence that it is using to scour the Realms of all heroic life.

“I barely got out of there alive,” confided a Goddess of Life who wished to stay anonymous. “It slew everyone around me! Or at least one in every six around me… Either way, there’s no way I’m facing that thing again!”

Nagash has invited a group of deities and other heroes to Shyish to find a way of destroying the Purple Sun’s power for good. Gordrakk’s suggestion to try and ambush it during the night was initially laughed off, but is gaining growing acceptance as other attendees fail to suggest any viable alternatives. A suggestion by Kroak that they simply dispel the entity was met with boos and rotten eggs.

Morathi-Khaine, who is reportedly immune to the spell’s effects, was not present at the conclave and was unavailable for comment. Rumours have her being chased through Ulgu by a swarm of flying swords.