Nurgle word game takes Realms by storm

Sweeping the Mortal Realms faster than the plagues its namesake brews, Nurgle has become a quick favourite for those needing a quick daily break from the age of endless war. Here’s how it works:

A grid of buboes will appear on the user’s skin, typically the thigh or another location with a lot of space. The bearer then has six attempts to guess a word randomly chosen each day, with their guesses becoming imprinted on each fleshy lump. The grid itself will give hints to the bearer, filling with yellow fluid if a letter is correct but misplaced, and squirting celebratory mucus on a correct guess.

The Order of Azyr has taken a grim view of the pastime, citing the daemonic influence and the time wasted at work. Sanitisation stations have been set up to allow those afflicted to have the grid removed without charge, though potential users are recommended to organise a week of work following the procedure in order to recover.

Editor’s note: We have received word that a failure to guess the word after six attempts may result in the player’s belly rupturing with a parade of Nurglings. For players on their sixth guess we recommend staying calm, finding a friend, and consulting your local dictiomancer.

“It’ll be our time soon,” insists Gor about to die from old age

Today marks the annual Proclamation of the Coming Beastening, a regular event put on by local beastman Merinok the Prophet. Every year the aging Gor stands upon his rock on the border of town, and vows the impending victory of beast-kind.

“You shoe-wearers’ days are numbered!” wheezed Merinok, leaning heavily on his club. “The Brayherds are rising, just you wait!”

Commentators have advised onlookers to take these doomsayings with a grain of salt, pointing out that Merinok has been saying this for years without much success. One particularly omniscient seer was able to peer into alternate realities, and revealed that even in other dimensions beastmen have tended to receive a low estimation from their opponents.

Sadly it seems Merinok’s days of prophecy are numbered, with the elderly gor hanging onto life by a thread. Rumours indicate that his health is such that the only food he is able to consume is soup, a suggestion furiously refused by the Beastman.

Followers of the Prophet may have reason to hope however, as news filters through the Realms of the victories of a herd of Bullgors in the Vega Plains. Upon hearing the news Merinok was able to launch into a second lengthy diatribe, wowing the town’s inhabitants but reportedly not impressing the other Beastmen, who have apparently heard it all before.

Public urges dragon-use be declared a war crime

Controversy in Azyr today as Sigmar is flooded with pleas to outlaw the use of dragons in his armies, with petitioners citing the horrendous damage they inflict on the battlefield.

Sigmar has refused to entertain the requests, insisting that he has already moderated their use and there is no need to go any further. Supporters of the Dracronith have suggested that perceptions of the dragons’ power have been distorted by propaganda circulating amongst the Realms’ commentators and taste-makers, an accusation refuted by many.

Left to their own devices, some generals have begun debating how to limit the use of dragons by themselves. This has hit significant snags, with Nagash refusing to stop use of his own Zombie Dragons and the Seraphon airing concerns of a slippery slope that might occur with the banning of giant, vicious lizards. While some have insisted that the ban needn’t move beyond the Draconith of Azyr, this has not stopped others from hitching their own desires to the movement.

Veterans have urged calm, suggesting that this is simply part and parcel of life in the Mortal Realms and that generals might spend their time more usefully with a cup of tea and a good book. Where this advice leaves those in the thick of the fighting remains to be seen.