Morathi-Khaine accused of clinginess, micromanagement

Several months ago we reported on the results of a survey showing that Morathi-Khaine, also known simply as Morathi, was considered the most active god in the Mortal Realms. We return to that story today with reports that what was previously understood as dependability has now crossed into something worse, with Morathi now seen as something of a micromanaging menace.

After speaking with several anonymous generals of the Daughters of Khaine, we have built the picture of a goddess who cannot trust her worshippers, and accompanies them on every single expedition and battle. An intern sent to peruse the war records was unable to locate any significant battles fought by the Khainanites where Morathi was not in the thick of the action, to the detriment of her most zealous worshippers.

“We think it’s because she doesn’t believe in us,” confessed a local Witch Aelf. “She never lets us fight the most dangerous opponents, she always sends the Shadow Queen in instead. There are plenty of us really wanting to spill blood and worship our god, but we’re lucky if we even get to tag along and catch some of the blood spray.”

A hired Skaven spy noble Azyrite informer confirmed the rumours by sneaking into Hagg Nar and listening in on Morathi’s secret councils. She reportedly believes that her followers “can’t cast Mindrazor to save their lives” and that they should be much more like her “darling Blood Stalkers”.

Editor’s Note: We asked Morathi-Khaine for comment before this article went live, and have just received our intern’s head back on a silver platter. We have chosen to interpret this as a ‘no comment’.

Colour scheme fundamental to battlefield performance, say experts

An extensive survey of the Stormcast Eternals has just been completed measuring a range of factors, from success in the field to general feelings of wellbeing. While the results are being collated one finding has immediately been brought to the public’s attention: the colour of a Stormcast’s armour will significantly affect how they perform during wartime.

“Oh it’s been something of an open secret for some time,” confided Pabla Esabco, contracted colourist for the Stormcast. “You paint ‘em gold, they start hanging around battlefield objectives. Paint ‘em silver, and their Liberators start whacking things before they get zapped back up to Azyr. There’s no explaining it, but it’s the truth.”

Further study has unveiled an even darker truth; many Stormhosts are painting themselves in unique, never-seen-before heraldry in order to tap into forbidden pigmancy and acquire the power of colours whenever they so choose. This allows them to fight in the style of the Anvils of the Heldenhammer one day, and the Knights Excelsior the next. How this is achieved is a closely guarded secret, and is keenly sought by the witch-hunters of the Order of Azyr.

Some have questioned whether this magic should be made common practice, and the Stormhosts able to harness whichever powers are best suited for their battles at the time. Pushback has been limited but passionate, with detractors arguing that the lack of consistency will make it harder for spectators to understand the ebb and flow of battle. Most generals however agree that this can be overcome with some simple, clear communication.

Special Issue: Sigmar proclaims changes, Realms react

After weeks of anticipation and attempted prognostication, Sigmar has finally released his long awaited changes to the rules of war. Far from simply impacting the armies of Order, the proclamation has had wide-ranging effects for all factions.

Chaos is in an uproar, responding to rumours put out by Sigmar that Archaon is attempting to court all four gods at the same time. As a result each of the Powers’ personal armies are refusing to cooperate with the Everchosen, leaving him a lonely presence on the battlefield. The Slaves to Darkness have rallied behind their leader however, promising that he’ll always be their general, no matter what.

The hordes of Destruction are meanwhile celebrating, as Kragnos has powered up his Shield Inviolate. Grot Shamans, high off mathrooms, have calculated that he is now capable of shrugging off around one in every six attacks (a calculatory feat made possible only through the unique physiology of famed Fungoid Six Fingered Grop). 

The Sons of Behemat are feeling particularly morose however, as it was revealed that their continual clutching and passing around of the Amulet of Destiny has irreparably damaged its enchantments. The artefact now provides a much lower level of protection, much to the chagrin of those non-Gargantuan heroes who had hoped to use it.

The Mortarch of Grief is ascendant in the legions of Death, feeding off the misery of those unable to fully incorporate the notoriously fickle god Nagash into their armies. Her Nighthaunt seem to be the only deathly denizens happy with the situation, though we are still waiting to hear from our ghoul correspondent Juni the Succulent. If anyone has heard from her, please let us know.

The bastions of Order have on the whole reacted with indifference, aside from those who rely on ranged combat. News that missile troops will now only be permitted to unleash hell upon enemy combatants within spitting distance has been met with strong reactions. Auralan Sentinels in particular have begun to go on strike in protest, increasing the costs for any general hoping to field a unit in combat. Our correspondents have reported that the striking Sentinels are spending their time participating in archery competitions with Blissbarb Archers, who Sigmar now considers to be their equal. All reports indicate that the Sentinels are demolishing the competition, but the Blissbarbs seem to be enjoying themselves regardless.