A highly anticipated battle between the forces of Teclis and Tzeentch was called off at the last minute today as seers from both sides have agreed on the inevitable outcome before it could begin.
“Ultimately it saves us a lot of hassle,” confirmed the Magister in charge of the Tzeentchian host. “We’ve foreseen the inevitable casualty rates, strategic manoeuvres, and all the associated twists and turns. So instead of getting all worked up we’ve decided to take the day off.”
The decision has been welcomed by the soldiery who would have had to risk life and limb in the battle. The top brass back home however are less pleased, and feel robbed of the drama only a high-stakes clash can provide. They have sent orders that those soldiers destined to fall in battle be executed anyway to add a little excitement to the day, a request the armies are less than thrilled about.
It has been a trying few weeks for Lord Regent Uthralle as he attempts to muster an army for the upcoming Battle of the Frothing Bay. After spending a small fortune assembling the needed soldiery and associated heroes, Uthralle has been struck by the bane of all Realm-lords – the overengineering of the Lumineth uniform.
“Moulded-on runes were a mistake,” lamented the Lord-Regent, paintbrush and masking tape in hand. “And these delicate lengths of trim? You can’t even see them from a distance. Absolute waste of time.”
Lumineth agents have been dispatched across the Realms to try and find a solution to their aesthetic problem. Several successful exchanges have already taken place with the ethereal Nighthaunt, who have demonstrated their trend of dressing in a single, smooth gradient. Meetings with the Stormcast Eternals have delved into the idea of disguising aelves as if they were entirely made of rock, exciting the Alarith Stonemages but otherwise insulting the aelves’ sense of style.
Until adjustments are able to be made Teclis has begun petitioning the other gods for some leeway, proposing a ‘casual Friday’ for battles conducted at the end of a work week. He faces a frosty reception however, and may be regretting smiting many of his fellow deities with Purple Suns over the past month.
After several months of having tightly curated armed forces the Lumineth Realm-lords have been blindsided by Teclis and Tyrion’s sudden revolution of their armies, with a bewildering array of options being provided to the Great Nations.
“It was reasonably simple before,” said a Lumineth general who spoke on condition of anonymity. “You had pikes, bows, and horses. Easy peasy. But now we have really big stationary bows, weird horses, and even swords? It’s a lot to think about.”
Protests are also arising from Lumineth hesitant to purchase the new requisition orders, pointing out that they had purchased the abridged orders only recently with many paying extra for gilded pages. The offer of a supplementary document that also contains a narrative recounting of the upcoming Shysian invasion has done little to mollify these complaints.
The twin gods have defended their decision, arguing that the slow introduction has made it easier for their children to train and arm their forces. When it was suggested that many of their leaders were finding the second wave overwhelming they refused to comment.