Tzaangor sign exclusivity agreement, abandon Greatfrays

Shock and dismay amongst the forces of Chaos this past week as the Tzaangor, previously a force shared both by the Disciples of Tzeentch and the Beasts of Chaos, abandon their previous flexibility and set up shop firmly in the Tzeentchian camp.

“We understand the Great Deceiver to be unpredictable, but this really gets our goat,” claimed a local Beastlord affected by the change. “They might be half Tzaan, but don’t forget they’re also half Gor!”

The finest Bray-Lawyers that the Greatfrays have to offer have been assigned the task of keeping the valued Tzaangor, but their lack of literacy has proven to be a significant hurdle. Efforts to bring the legal battle into the arena of headbutts have so far failed to yield any results.

The motivations of the Tzaangor remain a mystery, but rumours of significant stocks of cheese soon to be revealed by the Disciples of Tzeentch are the most likely culprit. Whether the tasty treat will be shared with the converts remains uncertain, with previous allotments previously being monopolised by daemons.

Local Lord of Change ‘just winging it’

Famous for their foresight, feared for their manipulations, the Lords of Change are considered by many to be amongst the most skilled practitioners of the magical arts in the Mortal Realms. Despite this reputation however we can exclusively reveal that this is not the case for everyone, with at least one daemon feeling out of their depth from day one.

“They don’t train you for it at all,” said Kr’T’P, Wielder of the Copper Key. “One day, primordial nothingness, the next, here’s your staff and book, go manipulate the strands of fate! Talk about stress.”

Kr’T’P provided an outline of the professional development available to the Greater Daemons, which was described by employment experts as minimal at best. Mainly centring around feather preening and beak sharpening, they failed to cover the basic magical refreshers expected of Azyrite wizards and seem unable to equip the daemons with the latest insights into diabolical prophecy that they need to do their job.

The Crystal Labryinth’s employment office refused to meet with us, citing an unpredictable timetable, but provided the following statement:

All of Tzeentch’s Greater Daemons are chosen based on their innate qualities as magic users, and are expected to be motivated self-starters in the workplace. The development opportunities provided by the Great Architect are the absolute minimum an individual daemon should achieve, and we encourage all Lords of Change to pursue their own opportunities outside of work hours. Any daemons experiencing dissatisfaction should know that their feelings have already been foretold in the skein of destiny, and have been pre-emptively addressed by the appropriate team leader.

Cost of living increases prompts Pink Horror to de-split

Tough times all around in the Mortal Realms as individuals from all walks of life struggle under an increased cost of living. Every faction has their story, but the situation is best summed up by the experience of Plin’lo, a Pink Horror who was until recently happily split.

“We just couldn’t handle it,” confirmed Plin’lo, as he capered morosley. “The price of gold bangles, wicked hellfire, and wiggly knives had all increased tenfold while our wages refused to budge. We felt really undermined, you know? A daemon of change with stagnate wages? It’s almost offensive.”

We spoke to some companions who had previously known them as a pair of Blue Horrors, and they all corroborated their sad tale. “A Blue Horror is meant to be grumpy, but they were something else,” described a local Gor. “The decision wasn’t easy for them.”

We approached the office of Tzeentch, Plin’lo’s diabolical overlord, but have yet to receive any response. As we go to print however we’ve received confirmation that Plin’lo has been able to find new employment, taking advantage of the severe shortage of Bastiladon riders to the Seraphon. “I just needed to paint myself blue and wear a fake tail, and I fit right in,” Pin’lo said. “It’s nice to be on the winning team for once.”