Cost of living increases prompts Pink Horror to de-split

Tough times all around in the Mortal Realms as individuals from all walks of life struggle under an increased cost of living. Every faction has their story, but the situation is best summed up by the experience of Plin’lo, a Pink Horror who was until recently happily split.

“We just couldn’t handle it,” confirmed Plin’lo, as he capered morosley. “The price of gold bangles, wicked hellfire, and wiggly knives had all increased tenfold while our wages refused to budge. We felt really undermined, you know? A daemon of change with stagnate wages? It’s almost offensive.”

We spoke to some companions who had previously known them as a pair of Blue Horrors, and they all corroborated their sad tale. “A Blue Horror is meant to be grumpy, but they were something else,” described a local Gor. “The decision wasn’t easy for them.”

We approached the office of Tzeentch, Plin’lo’s diabolical overlord, but have yet to receive any response. As we go to print however we’ve received confirmation that Plin’lo has been able to find new employment, taking advantage of the severe shortage of Bastiladon riders to the Seraphon. “I just needed to paint myself blue and wear a fake tail, and I fit right in,” Pin’lo said. “It’s nice to be on the winning team for once.”

Resplendent daemonic horde faces monochromatic counterpart

Ul’katoosh, Lord of Change, has long been known throughout the Realms not only for their flawless generalship, but also for the incredibly high standard of their army’s appearance. It has come as little surprise then to hear that they have engaged in bitter combat with a rival, the greyscale legion of Tooshka’ul. 

A tale as old as time, Ul’katoosh has taken offence at their rival’s paucity of colour. According to those with first hand experience fighting for the Greater Daemon, they spend an extravagant amount of time polishing their minions’ armour, designing elaborate tattoos, and orchestrating waves of daemonic colour to create the most spectacular impression on the battlefield. The concept of an army completely devoid of vibrancy is abhorrent to the Lord of Change, thus sparking the violent conflict we see today.

It seems unlikely that the two Greater Daemons will find any common ground, and as time goes on daemonic allies from both sides are beginning to join the fray. We will bring you any updates as they occur, but this reporter is doubtful that anything can change.

Update: We are pleased to report that the unthinkable has happened. According to our sources the two Greater Daemons, previously committed to bellowing passionate threats at each other across the battlefield, took to talking during a lull in the fighting. We can exclusively report that Tooshka’ul, master of the colourless horde, complimented Ul’katoosh’s resplendent force and generalship, and revealed that he had only summoned his own army in order to have the chance to test wits against him in battle. Ul’katoosh graciously accepted the compliment and extended one in return, commending Tooshka’ul’s ability on the battlefield. He admitted that although he much prefers fighting a force as beautiful as his own, he had still enjoyed their melee a great deal. The two have shaken hands, promising to see each other once again. 

The Order of Azyr forbids any citizen of the Free Cities from learning lessons from the Daemons of Chaos.

Tzeentch makes profit selling Newly-Fettered Thaumaturgies

Alarming financial markets and wizards throughout the Realms, the Great Architect has begun amassing significant wealth by selling the rights to spells in packages known as Newly-Fettered Thaumaturgies, or NFTs for short.

The process is centred around the idea that the purchaser of an NFT buys the rights to a particular instance of magical energy. This purchase is woven into the very fabric of magic itself, enabling anyone to verify that the transaction occurred, and it can then later be on-sold, potentially for a profit.

Proponents of the system claim that it heralds an entirely new way of thinking about magic, and represents a cutting-edge advancement in both economics and the art of spell-weaving. They brush over criticisms that purchases directly enrich one of the Ruinous Powers, describing it as a necessary evil for progress.

Critics however have not been kind, labeling it a cunning money-making scheme. They point out that despite owning the ‘rights’ to a particular spell, the holder of the NFT does not possess any physical instance of the magic nor even a way to necessarily summon it. Perhaps even more damning is the fact that there is nothing preventing the spell being cast by another individual or cabal regardless of what the ‘owner’ might wish. Campaigns by NFT-holders to restrict the casting of spells only to those who own the rights to do so have so far been stonewalled by all magical institutions.

Editor’s Note: We have received reports of Tzeentchian warlocks attempting to NFT spells being cast by opposing wizards mid-battle. If this should happen to you, the Order of Azyr recommends simply ignoring their attempts and, if possible, throwing a fireball into their face.