General unable to continue day two of battles due to sore back

Despite a day full of glory and success, Sir Reginald the fabled general has been unable to continue his campaign into a second day due to an increasingly sore back.

“I’m not as spry as I used to be,” admitted Reginald from his position lying flat on the ground. “War nowadays is a young kid’s game.” A quick survey shows that this is not an isolated problem, with many warlords indicating that they require a Parcetemal Potion™ or two to get through multiple days of battle. 

We asked several physicians and Ghyranite wizards for their opinion, and their responses were varied. Many recommended adopting regular stretches and exercise into one’s routine, or wearing supportive footwear. Some also suggested generals bring themselves closer to the battlefield, so as to avoid excessive leaning forward while giving orders. A select few however rejected these practical tips, and instead encouraged generals to engage in nightlong benders in between battles. Supposedly this will recharge the energies of the general, allowing them to function at full effectiveness the next day.

Editor’s note: Since publishing this article we went to double check with the previously mentioned wizards, who confirmed that a night of drinking was likely a terrible idea but would certainly distract attention from any back complaints.

General saves big, assembles army via lucky dip

It was a quiet year for Reginald the Oblique, famed Freeguild general. However he has vowed to set the new year off with a bang, submitting a requisition order for “whatever soldiers you have spare at the moment”, and receiving them at a significant discount.

When we last spoke to Reginald, he was engrossed in sorting out his new army. It was a cavalcade of emotions in the war room as he rejoiced over receiving a pair of Stormdrake, and then despaired over the veritable legion of Doomfire Warlocks he now needed to find stables for.

There was a moment of drama when he found Gordrakk, the Fist of Gork, in his list. Supposedly feeling neglected by his own people, Gordrakk was hoping to make the leap to a faction that would appreciate him. Reginald is supposedly considering the offer, and is weighing up the expected tonnage-per-day of aetherwings it will take to keep Bigteef, the surly greenskin’s mount, fed.

Victory for Sigmar – Expedition Claims Several Inches of Realm Despite Odds

Trumpets sound and crowds cheer in Azyrheim today as news arrives that the 643rd Expedition out of Hammerhal has succeeded in planting a new seed of civilisation, several steps from the city’s front gates.

The expedition faced incredible odds, we can reliably report, with insufficient supplies and a total lack of Stormcast support. Their victory against the wilds was something of a miracle, as their leader Colum d’Toff explained:

“We set out with faith in our hearts and steel in our hands, that cannot be doubted, but Sigmar knows we were up against it. Daemons, orruks, different looking humans, all sorts of barbarity was waiting for us out there. So we decided to set up camp just outside the city walls and think through our options. Once we woke up the next day, Sigmar be praised, we found ourselves in the perfect position to be setting up a new city dedicated to the God-King!”

The magisters of Hammerhal are reportedly not too happy with the development, reacting harshly to reports that the settlers have begun stealing bricks to build their own walls. Reprisals have been stopped by Lord Aventis Firestrike, who is hesitant to roll back such a grand victory for the forces of Order.