Eternus pursued by Sigmarite copyright lawyers

Eternus – Blade of the First Prince, Champion of Black Lightning, Intellectual Property Thief? That is the accusation being leveled at the dark despoiler by the Knights-Solicitor of Sigmar.

The Sigmarite lawyers have lodged a lengthy complaint in the Azyr Tribunal listing the many aspect of Eternus’ character and bearing that bear a striking resemblance to Sigmar’s own Stormcast Eternals. From oversized pauldrons and his storm-themed reincarnation, to his distinctive pose on the battlefield, almost every inch of Eternus has been labelled an illegal imitation.

Be’lakor himself, Eternus’ patron, has refused to entertain these allegations. He instead insists that any similarities fall under fair use as satirising aspects of the Stormcast Eternals and their allies. Our analysts have suggested that this may have been part of the Dark Master’s schemes all along, a plot to position Be’lakor as the peoples’ champion against an overbearing Sigmar. Whether he is able to harness this energy to propel his own original works, or will simply continue to imitate others, remains to be seen.

New generation of Chaos Warrior outclasses old with improved armour, poses

Angst amongst the Slaves to Darkness this week as the dark hordes prepare to welcome a new generation of stronger, meaner, and flashier Warriors.

“Used to be all you needed was a suit of armour and a sharp sword,” said Gornar Goodchewer, Chaos Warrior. “Now they’re turning up with glowing runes, chiselled jaws, and dynamic stances. Posers…”

This new generation of hellish infantry has reportedly delighted Archaon, who has broadened the initiative to include the Chaos Chosen, Chaos Knights, and assorted heroes. Chaos Marauders have been forbidden from joining the project, supposedly due to the pleasure Archaon feels watching them struggle under their unlikely physique.

Authors rush to complete Battlescroll substitute

It has been over a month since the prophesied return of the Battlescroll, a powerful artefact published by Sigmar every quarter with the power to determine the fate of entire armies. Despair at first turned to frustration, but now to opportunity as wordsmiths around the Realms attempt to pen their own competing versions to fill the void.

“The cost to summon daemons of Nurgle is to drop by half,” declared the Buboescroll, a foul document penned by plague worshippers. “The resilience of rot flies is to be doubled, and the spell casting ability of all magical true-believers increased. Thanks be to the Grandfather!”

The Battleshell crafted by the Idoneth Deepkin adopted a similar tone, demanding an increase to the range of Namarti Reavers’ bows and the ability to change the tides of the aethersea at a whim. We have also been provided a calcified Bonescroll from Vokmortian of the Ossiarch Bonereapers, but unfortunately the list is simply too extensive to replicate here. 

We have yet to receive word from Sigmaron regarding the release date of the official Battlescroll, and there have been few hints upon which we could make our own predictions. However experts agree that it cannot be delayed for much longer, as every day it is not released the horde of angry grots demanding its arrival only grows angrier and more squig-filled.