Authors rush to complete Battlescroll substitute

It has been over a month since the prophesied return of the Battlescroll, a powerful artefact published by Sigmar every quarter with the power to determine the fate of entire armies. Despair at first turned to frustration, but now to opportunity as wordsmiths around the Realms attempt to pen their own competing versions to fill the void.

“The cost to summon daemons of Nurgle is to drop by half,” declared the Buboescroll, a foul document penned by plague worshippers. “The resilience of rot flies is to be doubled, and the spell casting ability of all magical true-believers increased. Thanks be to the Grandfather!”

The Battleshell crafted by the Idoneth Deepkin adopted a similar tone, demanding an increase to the range of Namarti Reavers’ bows and the ability to change the tides of the aethersea at a whim. We have also been provided a calcified Bonescroll from Vokmortian of the Ossiarch Bonereapers, but unfortunately the list is simply too extensive to replicate here.

We have yet to receive word from Sigmaron regarding the release date of the official Battlescroll, and there have been few hints upon which we could make our own predictions. However experts agree that it cannot be delayed for much longer, as every day it is not released the horde of angry grots demanding its arrival only grows angrier and more squig-filled.

Disciples of Tzeentch, Lumineth scry future, call off battle due to foregone conclusion

A highly anticipated battle between the forces of Teclis and Tzeentch was called off at the last minute today as seers from both sides have agreed on the inevitable outcome before it could begin.

“Ultimately it saves us a lot of hassle,” confirmed the Magister in charge of the Tzeentchian host. “We’ve foreseen the inevitable casualty rates, strategic manoeuvres, and all the associated twists and turns. So instead of getting all worked up we’ve decided to take the day off.”

The decision has been welcomed by the soldiery who would have had to risk life and limb in the battle. The top brass back home however are less pleased, and feel robbed of the drama only a high-stakes clash can provide. They have sent orders that those soldiers destined to fall in battle be executed anyway to add a little excitement to the day, a request the armies are less than thrilled about.

Skaven increasingly doubt existence of man-things

Rumours abound in the underburrows of a race of creatures living on the surface world, standing on two-legs like a Skaven but relatively hairless and without a tail. Named ‘humans’ by those on the fringe of decent Skaven society, there is a rising pushback from those who deny their very existence.

“Elf-things? Sure-sure. Ghost-things? I’ve heard of them. But man-things? I don’t know any Skaven that’s seen one in the skin-flesh.”

True believers in humanity’s existence have struggled to provide any evidence to support their claim. The existence of the Stormcast Eternals is well-known within Skavendom, but their similarities to the proposed human form have been brushed off as a coincidence given their clearly magical providence. So-called human worshippers of Chaos have been labelled ‘low-tier daemons’, and the skeletal legions of the Soulblight are considered to have been formed from the bones of short and ugly aelfs.

One group of Skaven, the Clan-Pack for Proof-Finding of Man-Things, have scrounged together enough warpstone to fund an expedition to the surface to locate one of the fabled Cities of Sigmar. These metropolises, reportedly jam-packed full of humans, are considered by the group to be their best bet in proving the existence of humanity.

Update: We have just received word that the Skaven delegation have vanished without a trace. The Clan-Pack claim that they were intercepted and destroyed by scouts from Hammerhal Aqsha, their intended destination, pointing to a conspiracy to keep humanity’s existence secret. Their detractors have suggested the group merely took the warpstone and ran.