Gnawholes to be made ‘Doomwheel accessible’

After a concerted campaign by the Clans Skryre, and several unrelated yet catastrophic explosions throughout Blight City, the Masterclan have caved to the warlocks’ demands. All Skaven barracks, warrens, and Gnawholes are now required to be accessible via ramps strong enough to carry the weight of a fully operational Doomwheel.

The ramps, once constructed, will provide an easy mode of travel through the Under-Empire for those warlock-engineers who have wired themselves directly into Doomwheels. Previously this could only be achieved through the backbreaking labour of clanrats, who would have to haul the contraptions up stairs or through Gnawholes themselves. Despite the relative affordability of a functioning clanrat, warlock-engineers would rather spend their clanrat-allowance on the testing of cutting-edge weaponry thus leaving them isolated from the wider community.

The move has been something of a no-brainer by some, allowing as it does a significant portion of Skavendom to reclaim their place in society. By taking this fairly simple step, explain the experts, Skavendom can now enjoy a greater level of participation from all rats, which can already be seen in increased Stormfiend production and a more thorough integration of Warpstone Spark technology into the Council of Thirteen’s plots. The fact that the Skaven did not realise this sooner is described as testament to their selfish and divisive ways.

Editor’s note: We have been asked by the Order of Azyr to request that our readers stop petitioning Sigmar for written copies of his proclamations. Citizens unable to hear the announcements of the Knights-Heraldor are suggested to engage the services of an interpreter. Due to the ongoing wars in Ghur, no subsidies will be provided.

Ironjawz victories lead to birth of Teraboss

Long considered a scourge on the Mortal Realms, Ironjawz mobs have been racking up victory after victory in recent weeks. This terrifying explosion of green-tinged violence has had an unexpected, though perhaps inevitable result; the creation of the Realms’ first Teraboss.

When we first put quill to parchment we were to report on the emergence of Gigabosses, each a monstrosity worth a thousand Megabosses. Unfortunately the Waaaagh! is never ending, and these beasts have birthed a Teraboss monstrosity after only two days of brutal victories.

Commentators have laid the blame squarely at the foot of Gore-grunta mobs of the Bloodtoofs tribe who, having recently discovered the sharpening powers of dragging their blades along stones, have become a terrifying prospect on the battlefield. Megabosses who tag along with these mobs are likely to find an easy path to victory and significant gains in both reputation and brawn. Naysayers have proposed that this may just be a flash in the pan, pointing to recent victories by the Nighthaunt and the Gloomspite Gitz. Suggestions that these factions may rise to challenge the Teraboss have been described as ‘lightly optimistic’ by the wider community.

For any readers who encounter the Teraboss in the wild, we recommend hiding if at all possible. If combat seems inevitable the best course of action is to recruit any of the local bands of Lumineth Sentinels who have become an increasingly common sight on the battlefields. If properly hidden behind a large rock, their magical arrowheads should be able to put the Teraboss down for good.