“We’ve always had a strong rune culture” – Lumineth and Fyreslayers at loggerheads

One of the oldest rivalries in the Mortal Realms has escalated as Fyreslayer elders react in horror to the Lumineth’s new battlefield rune system.

“Runes mean duardin, and duardin mean runes!” insisted Wylim Thwackhammer, Vostarg Spokesfather. “These flouncy elgi think, just because they have tall towers and magic tricks, that they can take whatever they like.”

The Lumineth have rejected this characterisation, explaining that they engaged duardin runic advisers when crafting their own rune system. They will also be donating 5% of any treasure gained to charities involved in giving shirts to impoverished duardin youth.

“We hope to honour our duardin allies with our new runes, and build on the rich cultural legacy that they have gifted us.”

“Just as planned” – Infuriating Tzeentch wizard refuses to take the L

A Tzeentch Fatemaster is shown in a collection of lethal situations, laughing in each one.

The schemes of Tzeentchian warlord Ponk Roseye, never the most satisfying of opponents, have taken a horrendous turn as they refuse to admit to even the smallest of defeats. At first this affectation was seen as a charming quirk, but has quickly spiraled out of control.

“It used to be, ‘Oh, you got me,’ or maybe an ‘Aw shucks’ but now he cackles and insists it’s all part of some grand scheme. It takes all the fun out of war,” complained long-suffering opponent Kragnan the Blood Dripper.

It is unclear whether this is a genuine belief of Roseye’s, or instead an effort to boost their self-esteem after a series of embarrassing defeats. The Weekly has asked Roseye how many more ‘victories’ their forces can hope to sustain before total annihilation, and whether this too is ‘part of the plan’. They have declined to comment.

“Ruining our sweet style” – Nagash objects to unearthing of Khemri legions

Nagash has rejected the early buzz surrounding the return of the Tomb Kings, accusing them of ruining the aesthetic quality he has recently cultivated amongst his undead legions.

“The Supreme Necromancer has poured an immense amount of time and energy into making undead constructs look the best they possibly can,” explained Nagash’s spokesliche Arkhan the Black. “These so-called Tomb Kings appearing with fists larger than their skulls and horses with prominent bone-tails makes a laughing-stock of all of Death.”

Some individuals have attempted to defend the Tomb Kings’ appearance, arguing that they are a product of their time and possess a certain ‘retro charm’. Nagash’s supporters are unconvinced, insisting that being dead is not an excuse to ignore the latest fashion trends.

We sought comment from Settra, leader of the Tomb Kings, but he was not willing to provide any comment. At the first mention of Nagash’s name he began violently attacking our journalist, bellowing at his attendants to “release the scarabs”. We will bring you an update on the journalist’s medical condition shortly.