“We’ve always had a strong rune culture” – Lumineth and Fyreslayers at loggerheads

One of the oldest rivalries in the Mortal Realms has escalated as Fyreslayer elders react in horror to the Lumineth’s new battlefield rune system.

“Runes mean duardin, and duardin mean runes!” insisted Wylim Thwackhammer, Vostarg Spokesfather. “These flouncy elgi think, just because they have tall towers and magic tricks, that they can take whatever they like.”

The Lumineth have rejected this characterisation, explaining that they engaged duardin runic advisers when crafting their own rune system. They will also be donating 5% of any treasure gained to charities involved in giving shirts to impoverished duardin youth.

“We hope to honour our duardin allies with our new runes, and build on the rich cultural legacy that they have gifted us.”

“Just as planned” – Infuriating Tzeentch wizard refuses to take the L

A Tzeentch Fatemaster is shown in a collection of lethal situations, laughing in each one.

The schemes of Tzeentchian warlord Ponk Roseye, never the most satisfying of opponents, have taken a horrendous turn as they refuse to admit to even the smallest of defeats. At first this affectation was seen as a charming quirk, but has quickly spiraled out of control.

“It used to be, ‘Oh, you got me,’ or maybe an ‘Aw shucks’ but now he cackles and insists it’s all part of some grand scheme. It takes all the fun out of war,” complained long-suffering opponent Kragnan the Blood Dripper.

It is unclear whether this is a genuine belief of Roseye’s, or instead an effort to boost their self-esteem after a series of embarrassing defeats. The Weekly has asked Roseye how many more ‘victories’ their forces can hope to sustain before total annihilation, and whether this too is ‘part of the plan’. They have declined to comment.

Orruks not green, just envious

Shock in the Mortal Realms this week as researchers in Azyr make an earth-shaking discovery – orruks are not naturally green, but are instead made that way due to their fundamentally envious nature.

The finding was made after an orruk was given the loudest firearm available from the Ironweld Arsenal, the fastest mount to be found in Hysh, and a pair of stilts which made him as tall as a mega-gargant. Upon receiving these goods the orruk’s skin immediately faded to a gentle lavender, and the orruk adopted a pleasant demeanour.

The implications are tremendous but application on the field has proven troubling, since only a single orruk can possibly be pacified this way at a single time. Efforts have instead pivoted to encouraging orruks to compare themselves against internal goals, rather than against their peers. However, just like their human counterparts, orruks have struggled to adopt this mindset and have instead taken to trying to prove their mindfulness through ritual bouts of ‘meditation’. That these often devolve into headbutting contests to prove who has the ‘strongest head’ has not filled Azyrite scholars with hope.