Troggs face identity crisis over battlefield role

There is a sense of excitement settling over the Realms this week as generals begin to swap out their monsters for ranks of infantry. Standing apart from all this however are the troggs, who are still unsure where they fit into the whole paradigm.

“Am big, am strong. Not monster? Okay,” commented Big Zug, local trogg. “Not monster? Not little thing? Not okay!”

The Azyr High Command, who drafted this season’s laws, are pushing back at accusations of anti-trogg bias, pointing out that printed copies of the rules display an illustration of a trogg on their cover. When questioned why this was the case, and whether it was just an example of Destruction tokenism, the High Command refused to comment.

Regardless of their intended purpose on the battlefield, troggs’ enthusiasm generally remains undiminished as they continue to trogg away in the dank caves and filthy mires of the Realms. Perhaps this could be a lesson to us, to find meaning in the simple things in life.

ADDENDUM: BY ORDER OF THE ORDER OF AZYR, CITIZENS ARE FORBIDDEN FROM LEARNING LIFE LESSONS FROM TROGGOTHS.

Local Lord of Change ‘just winging it’

Famous for their foresight, feared for their manipulations, the Lords of Change are considered by many to be amongst the most skilled practitioners of the magical arts in the Mortal Realms. Despite this reputation however we can exclusively reveal that this is not the case for everyone, with at least one daemon feeling out of their depth from day one.

“They don’t train you for it at all,” said Kr’T’P, Wielder of the Copper Key. “One day, primordial nothingness, the next, here’s your staff and book, go manipulate the strands of fate! Talk about stress.”

Kr’T’P provided an outline of the professional development available to the Greater Daemons, which was described by employment experts as minimal at best. Mainly centring around feather preening and beak sharpening, they failed to cover the basic magical refreshers expected of Azyrite wizards and seem unable to equip the daemons with the latest insights into diabolical prophecy that they need to do their job.

The Crystal Labryinth’s employment office refused to meet with us, citing an unpredictable timetable, but provided the following statement:

All of Tzeentch’s Greater Daemons are chosen based on their innate qualities as magic users, and are expected to be motivated self-starters in the workplace. The development opportunities provided by the Great Architect are the absolute minimum an individual daemon should achieve, and we encourage all Lords of Change to pursue their own opportunities outside of work hours. Any daemons experiencing dissatisfaction should know that their feelings have already been foretold in the skein of destiny, and have been pre-emptively addressed by the appropriate team leader.

Mortarch just out to cause trouble

Frustration tonight in the Realm of Death as Mannfred, Mortarch of Night, proves to be a continuous thorn in the side of anyone just trying to get on and have a good time.

“He’s always been a problem child,” admitted Arkhan, Mortarch of Sacrament and ex-pile of dust. “Just last week he was shadowing our top Wight Kings, prattling on about clocks. An absolute menace.”

This of course isn’t the only drama shrouding the maligned Mortarch, who has been exceptionally busy as of late – many of our readers may have experienced his polarising diatribes regarding the role of professional competition amongst the armies of the Mortal Realms. The ensuing debates started several small wars all on their own, a fact that reportedly had Mannfred in stitches.

When approached by our reporters Mannfred was unrepentant, denying his role in any of the latest conflicts. Instead he pointed to his fellow Mortarchs, insisting that their jealousy of his own reputation was motivating them to take drastic action to gain attention. The other Mortarchs fervently denied this claim, with Katakros apparently having no idea who Mannfred actually was.