“They must be up to something” – Gloomspite Gitz’ underperformance sparks desperate hope

It has been several days since the much-anticipated re-emergence of the Gloomspite Gitz failed to materialise, the spotlight instead being stolen by the Mawtribes and Sons of Behemat. Supporters of the diminutive greenskins were initially left flabbergastered, but have since gathered themselves and developed a hypothesis – the grots are waiting for something bigger.

“Da Bad Moon wouldn’t leave us like this,” insisted one Gloomspite devotee. “Skragrott’s gonna come back riding a troggoth I bet. Or maybe they’ll have developed a new kind of Spiderfang spider. Squigs with even bigger teeth are a possibility too. All I know is, this can’t be it!”

Cynics have done little to engage with the fans, seemingly loath to lay into a git while they’re down. Instead they have restricted themselves to gently correcting obvious falsehoods, such as the rumour that any grot pledging themselves to Chaos will be included in Archaon’s own revamp at the end of the year.

For any readers hoping to support the Gloomspite in their time of need, there will be an Adopt-a-Trogg drive next week where contributors can fund the growth and maintenance of a Dankhold Troggoth.*

*Please note that any individuals seen attending this event will be arrested immediately for treason against Sigmar.

Zealous Khorne worshipper hospitalised due to iron overload

Famous Khorne champion Nik Toestubber has been laid low this morning and admitted to the Varanhospital with symptoms including joint pain, fatigue, and an unusual skintone. Early diagnostics have confirmed every worshipper’s worst nightmare – iron overload due to excess blood.

Around one in ten Khorne worshippers are susceptible to the condition, which results from too much iron in the bloodstream. Causes can be genetic, but for the Blood God’s followers it is just as often caused through the absorption of victims’ blood through the skin and tongue. Suggestions that bezerkers wear shirts to reduce the incidence of the condition have been roundly ignored

Thankfully through advances in Chaotic medicine the condition is treatable through the use of regular bloodlettings. The excess blood is highly prized by daemonsmiths, who find the increased iron levels a great help in their own endeavors.

Tzaangor sign exclusivity agreement, abandon Greatfrays

Shock and dismay amongst the forces of Chaos this past week as the Tzaangor, previously a force shared both by the Disciples of Tzeentch and the Beasts of Chaos, abandon their previous flexibility and set up shop firmly in the Tzeentchian camp.

“We understand the Great Deceiver to be unpredictable, but this really gets our goat,” claimed a local Beastlord affected by the change. “They might be half Tzaan, but don’t forget they’re also half Gor!”

The finest Bray-Lawyers that the Greatfrays have to offer have been assigned the task of keeping the valued Tzaangor, but their lack of literacy has proven to be a significant hurdle. Efforts to bring the legal battle into the arena of headbutts have so far failed to yield any results.

The motivations of the Tzaangor remain a mystery, but rumours of significant stocks of cheese soon to be revealed by the Disciples of Tzeentch are the most likely culprit. Whether the tasty treat will be shared with the converts remains uncertain, with previous allotments previously being monopolised by daemons.