General unable to continue day two of battles due to sore back

Despite a day full of glory and success, Sir Reginald the fabled general has been unable to continue his campaign into a second day due to an increasingly sore back.

“I’m not as spry as I used to be,” admitted Reginald from his position lying flat on the ground. “War nowadays is a young kid’s game.” A quick survey shows that this is not an isolated problem, with many warlords indicating that they require a Parcetemal Potion™ or two to get through multiple days of battle.

We asked several physicians and Ghyranite wizards for their opinion, and their responses were varied. Many recommended adopting regular stretches and exercise into one’s routine, or wearing supportive footwear. Some also suggested generals bring themselves closer to the battlefield, so as to avoid excessive leaning forward while giving orders. A select few however rejected these practical tips, and instead encouraged generals to engage in nightlong benders in between battles. Supposedly this will recharge the energies of the general, allowing them to function at full effectiveness the next day.

Editor’s note: Since publishing this article we went to double check with the previously mentioned wizards, who confirmed that a night of drinking was likely a terrible idea but would certainly distract attention from any back complaints.

Deepkin reminded Leviadon ownership is centuries-long commitment

The animal right’s group RUFF (Realm-wide Union for Feral Friends) has today issued a reminder to the Deepkin enclaves in the wake of increasing rates of Leviadon abandonment.

“Every aelf should know that the adoption of a Leviadon is a serious undertaking, requiring decades of training,” said the document, written in specially made water-proof ink. “And beyond this, a healthy Leviadon can expect to live for hundreds and hundreds of years. They are not a commitment to be taken lightly.”

The issue has not only caught the attention of the RUFF, but many other institutions as well. Military leaders from around the Realms, alarmed by rumours of Eshin Deathmasters training abandoned Leviadons in martial arts, have joined forces to demand a licensing regime to ensure only dedicated enclaves are able to adopt or breed the creatures.

The Deepkin have predictably pushed back at this idea, demanding that the Stormcast first set their own house in order and clean up the horde of dragons let loose over the past two years after their battlefield efficiency dwindled. Sigmar has yet to respond.

Interest in Gobbapalooza entrance exam skyrockets

It has been a busy week in Skrappa Spill as hundreds of hopeful young grots register to take the tests to enter the prestigious Smart’nz Akademy – the first step in becoming a fully registered gobbapallozee.

The sudden spike in interest was caused by Skragrott’s reforms to Gobbapaloozas, which have overnight made them a highly desirable pick for any Gloomspite horde. What was previously considered something of a useless qualification has become a guarantee of a shromfull life.

The madness sweeping the grot nations has seen some criticism, with Loonbosses concerned that the swelling numbers of Gobbapaloozas might represent a brain drain from the traditionally prestigious Fungoid Cave-Shaman class. They have petitioned Skragrott to only allow once such grouping per horde, or at the very least place a limit on their newly acquired powers. The Loonking himself was unavailable to comment, as he was preoccupied with finding a food source big enough to feed his newly acquired flood of squigs.