Mortarch just out to cause trouble

Frustration tonight in the Realm of Death as Mannfred, Mortarch of Night, proves to be a continuous thorn in the side of anyone just trying to get on and have a good time.

“He’s always been a problem child,” admitted Arkhan, Mortarch of Sacrament and ex-pile of dust. “Just last week he was shadowing our top Wight Kings, prattling on about clocks. An absolute menace.”

This of course isn’t the only drama shrouding the maligned Mortarch, who has been exceptionally busy as of late – many of our readers may have experienced his polarising diatribes regarding the role of professional competition amongst the armies of the Mortal Realms. The ensuing debates started several small wars all on their own, a fact that reportedly had Mannfred in stitches.

When approached by our reporters Mannfred was unrepentant, denying his role in any of the latest conflicts. Instead he pointed to his fellow Mortarchs, insisting that their jealousy of his own reputation was motivating them to take drastic action to gain attention. The other Mortarchs fervently denied this claim, with Katakros apparently having no idea who Mannfred actually was.

Generals battling to tight schedule demand timers, cause controversy

The past weekend saw the conclusion of the World Battle, an immense conflict bringing together armies from all across the Realms. Although participants have reported high levels of satisfaction with the event, there has been some controversy around the use of clocks and other timers during the event.

“Wars are meant to be fought on their own time,” insisted Vice-Governor Stov, a critic of the move. “Some armies fight quickly, others prefer a slow grind. The imposition of artificial time limits is an affront to the very nature of war which is, after all, meant to be fun.”

Proponents of the move have pushed back, pointing to the benefits enjoyed at the World Battle.

“Not a single battle went to time, or at least not many,” boasted the fabled general Whyys the Banqueter. “The use of clocks let us fight tight, speedy battles that proved a real test of generalship and skill. I’m absolutely chuffed with my fellow warlords, and accusations that they are ruining the institution of battle have me absolutely livid.”

As the debate rages on the factions have failed to come to a common understanding with which to approach the issue, with neither a ‘organised battle’ or ‘epic tale’ paradigm proving sufficient to unite the groups. Perhaps despite the conflict, the event has made one thing clear – the infinite size of the Mortal Realms is rivalled only by the infinite ways to fight battles within its borders.

Stormcast technically undead- Azyr in uproar

A pedantic scholar has done what centuries of work by the Ruinous Powers could not – completely undermined trust in Sigmar’s Stormcast Eternals. They have demonstrated that, by most measures, the Stormcast Eternals actually represent a form of undead necromancy. In the spirit of honest journalism, we have reprinted the accusation below.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the living dead possess the following qualities:

  • They were at one point living beings
  • They at some point suffered a death to their mortal bodies
  • A portion of their self has been shackled for use by a powerful wizard or magical energy beyond their natural lifespan

It pains me to my core to say this, but Sigmar Heldenhammer, blessed be his name, has been tricked by the wicked necromancer Nagash and employed these dark magicks in the defence of Azyr! We can demonstrate this as follows:

  • All Stormcast Eternals profess to have begun their existence as living beings
  • If the heralds are to be believed, all Stormcast Eternals had their souls snatched away at the moment of their slaying by the foes of Sigmar
  • This soul has been reforged by Sigmar into a form utterly in thrall to his wishes

We beseech all true believers to strike back against these ghoulish horrors, and stop the pollution of the sacred ground of Azyr. Pray that Sigmar sees the error of his ways before it is too late!

ATTENTION READER. THE PRECEEDING TEXT HAS BEEN DEEMED HERETICAL BY THE LORD-CENSOR. REPORT TO THE LOCAL CRUSADE RECRUITMENT OFFICER TO PROVE YOUR LOYALTY IMMEDIATELY.