Upset in the Brass Citadel this week as continued delays result in a conspicuously skull-sized hole in Khorne’s throne.
The Blood God, famous for his craftsmanship as well as his violence, has spent several eternities building an edifice from the skulls of fallen warriors. However bones do not last forever, and Khorne has relied on a steady supply of replacement craniums to maintain his throne, a project that now lies in jeopardy.
The causes for these delays are many and varied, but the following are seen as the major contributors:
– Diminishing numbers of Khorne worshippers, adherents instead seeking to join Ironjawz Waaaghs! or Ogor Warglutts.
– Strikes by squig herder unions, whose members are responsible for managing the Realms’ messenger squigs. Demands include longer pokin’ sticks, and a day off each year to celebrate Squigmas.
– Increased funding to the Ossiarch Bonereapers, leading to a crackdown on bone-tithe avoidance.
Faced with limited options Khorne is reportedly trying to pick between alternate, but potentially necessary, evils; allow the skull throne to diminish while things to return to normal, or instead supplement it with a coccyx couch.
It was a quiet year for Reginald the Oblique, famed Freeguild general. However he has vowed to set the new year off with a bang, submitting a requisition order for “whatever soldiers you have spare at the moment”, and receiving them at a significant discount.
When we last spoke to Reginald, he was engrossed in sorting out his new army. It was a cavalcade of emotions in the war room as he rejoiced over receiving a pair of Stormdrake, and then despaired over the veritable legion of Doomfire Warlocks he now needed to find stables for.
There was a moment of drama when he found Gordrakk, the Fist of Gork, in his list. Supposedly feeling neglected by his own people, Gordrakk was hoping to make the leap to a faction that would appreciate him. Reginald is supposedly considering the offer, and is weighing up the expected tonnage-per-day of aetherwings it will take to keep Bigteef, the surly greenskin’s mount, fed.
News of updated rules of war are spreading quickly throughout the Realms, generals delighted with the opportunity to revisit old strategies and discover new ones. However none are glader than the humble foot hero, who are anticipating an entirely new lease on life.
“Last few years I haven’t been able to step outside of my temple without getting an immediate bolt through the head,” confided a local Hag Queen who has yet to buy her own Cauldron of Blood to ride upon. “The idea that a sister nearby might take the shot for me is nothing short of delightful.”
Some cynics have not been so quick to join in the celebrations, proposing that the upcoming rules might actively encourage the hunting of small person-sized heroes and worse their situation even further. These detractors have been roundly ignored, and are considered mostly to be Mortahi- and Kragnos-backed lobbyists protecting their vested interests.