Citizens urged to avoid Nurgle-produced pro-biotic yoghurt

Health-conscious shoppers are being encouraged to exercise due diligence when doing their weekly shop. In particular, people are being urged to avoid a new range of yoghurt, named Bloab’s Best, which despite promising numerous health benefits has been determined to deliver anything but.

“The marketing isn’t deceitful in the strictest sense,” admitted an official in the know. “So long as you are happy identifying some frankly devastating diarrhea as a sign of a ‘super-charged digestive system’.”

The Maggotkin of Nurgle have taken issue with the warning, complaining of misuse of the food safety regime for political ends. “Bloab’s Best is exactly what it says on the punnet – a fruity mix of specially selected cultures designed to give your health system a kick up the rear,” insisted a spokesdaemon.

Citizens who have already purchased the product are asked to burn it immediately. Those who have already consumed it are encouraged to contact their local Order of Azyr who will be able to walk you through the sanctioned funeral options.

Bookstores struggle to honour refund policy on Arcane Tomes

It has been a rough week for bookstores in the wake of Sigmar’s most recent proclamation. Now that wizards are forbidden from carrying Arcane Tomes there has been a surge of attempted returns, and not all stores are handling it well.

“I dunno what I’m gonna do with all dis stock,” complained Gragnok Leafturner, orruk bookseller. “None of my tribe can even read.”

Publishing insiders have exclusively revealed to us one method being used to get rid of excess stock; selling the books as scrap paper to the Kharadron Overlords. With little respect for magic that cannot be put into bottles, and a constant need for surfaces to write and rewrite laws upon, they are an ideal market for those with Arcane Tomes to spare. However, sellers are encouraged to have a lawyer review their returns policy before engaging with the Kharadron – many a bookstore has suffered from unscrupulous duardin employing cloning spells and receiving refunds for far more product than they ever bought in the first place.

Stormcast Eternals given participation medals after battle

Despite a devastating defeat at the Battle of Battered Roofs, the Hammers of Sigmar have recently performed a victory parade through Azyrheim. The ceremony concluded with a speech by Sigmar praising the qualities of his favoured Stormhost, and each Stormcast present was awarded with a medal for their participation. This has caused an uproar amongst the forces of Order, with claims of favouritism and preferential treatment rampant.

Sigmar has pushed back against the accusations, insisting that the awards play an important part in the morale and esprit d’corps of the Stormcast. He has refused to comment on suggestions that Freeguild soldiers in contrast are only issued “You Did Alright” certificates after the most heroic of battlefield achievements.

Nagash has been quick to join Sigmar’s accusers, and has laid the blame squarely at the God-King’s feet for what he considers a weak, coddled population. The Supreme Necromancer has proudly proclaimed that he has never handed out participation trophies himself, except on one occasion to Mannfred after the vampire suffered a particularly humiliating loss to the Halfling Gnomads of the Curet Trail.