Citizens urged to avoid Nurgle-produced pro-biotic yoghurt

Health-conscious shoppers are being encouraged to exercise due diligence when doing their weekly shop. In particular, people are being urged to avoid a new range of yoghurt, named Bloab’s Best, which despite promising numerous health benefits has been determined to deliver anything but.

“The marketing isn’t deceitful in the strictest sense,” admitted an official in the know. “So long as you are happy identifying some frankly devastating diarrhea as a sign of a ‘super-charged digestive system’.”

The Maggotkin of Nurgle have taken issue with the warning, complaining of misuse of the food safety regime for political ends. “Bloab’s Best is exactly what it says on the punnet – a fruity mix of specially selected cultures designed to give your health system a kick up the rear,” insisted a spokesdaemon.

Citizens who have already purchased the product are asked to burn it immediately. Those who have already consumed it are encouraged to contact their local Order of Azyr who will be able to walk you through the sanctioned funeral options.

Authors rush to complete Battlescroll substitute

It has been over a month since the prophesied return of the Battlescroll, a powerful artefact published by Sigmar every quarter with the power to determine the fate of entire armies. Despair at first turned to frustration, but now to opportunity as wordsmiths around the Realms attempt to pen their own competing versions to fill the void.

“The cost to summon daemons of Nurgle is to drop by half,” declared the Buboescroll, a foul document penned by plague worshippers. “The resilience of rot flies is to be doubled, and the spell casting ability of all magical true-believers increased. Thanks be to the Grandfather!”

The Battleshell crafted by the Idoneth Deepkin adopted a similar tone, demanding an increase to the range of Namarti Reavers’ bows and the ability to change the tides of the aethersea at a whim. We have also been provided a calcified Bonescroll from Vokmortian of the Ossiarch Bonereapers, but unfortunately the list is simply too extensive to replicate here.

We have yet to receive word from Sigmaron regarding the release date of the official Battlescroll, and there have been few hints upon which we could make our own predictions. However experts agree that it cannot be delayed for much longer, as every day it is not released the horde of angry grots demanding its arrival only grows angrier and more squig-filled.

Nurgle word game takes Realms by storm

Sweeping the Mortal Realms faster than the plagues its namesake brews, Nurgle has become a quick favourite for those needing a quick daily break from the age of endless war. Here’s how it works:

A grid of buboes will appear on the user’s skin, typically the thigh or another location with a lot of space. The bearer then has six attempts to guess a word randomly chosen each day, with their guesses becoming imprinted on each fleshy lump. The grid itself will give hints to the bearer, filling with yellow fluid if a letter is correct but misplaced, and squirting celebratory mucus on a correct guess.

The Order of Azyr has taken a grim view of the pastime, citing the daemonic influence and the time wasted at work. Sanitisation stations have been set up to allow those afflicted to have the grid removed without charge, though potential users are recommended to organise a week of work following the procedure in order to recover.

Editor’s note: We have received word that a failure to guess the word after six attempts may result in the player’s belly rupturing with a parade of Nurglings. For players on their sixth guess we recommend staying calm, finding a friend, and consulting your local dictiomancer.