Great Horned Rat kicked from the Teams chat

Chaos amongst the Ruinous Powers today as the Great Horned Rat is removed from the group chat used to organise after work drinks.

“They weren’t fitting the vibe at all,” confided an anonymous source. “Spamming the chat at all hours with unfunny memes, constantly starting group calls and tagging everyone, it was either the rat got kicked or the rest of them left.”

The group chat was hosted via Mortisoft Teams, a series of linked artefacts developed by the Ossiarch Mortisans to increase productivity amongst the Bonereaper legions. Its ease of use and library of GIFs (Geist-powered Imaging Foci) have contributed to its popularity outside of the legions of Death.

The Great Horned Rat has not taken the situation sitting down, and was quick to start up their own chat with the similarly fringe Duardin god Hashut. Our contacts have confirmed that this new arrangement has been working out terribly, as the ancestral enemies battle to send the most insulting, offensive messages that they can think of. At the latest report the Great Horned Rat is winning, on account of not knowing how to read.

“Just as planned” – Infuriating Tzeentch wizard refuses to take the L

A Tzeentch Fatemaster is shown in a collection of lethal situations, laughing in each one.

The schemes of Tzeentchian warlord Ponk Roseye, never the most satisfying of opponents, have taken a horrendous turn as they refuse to admit to even the smallest of defeats. At first this affectation was seen as a charming quirk, but has quickly spiraled out of control.

“It used to be, ‘Oh, you got me,’ or maybe an ‘Aw shucks’ but now he cackles and insists it’s all part of some grand scheme. It takes all the fun out of war,” complained long-suffering opponent Kragnan the Blood Dripper.

It is unclear whether this is a genuine belief of Roseye’s, or instead an effort to boost their self-esteem after a series of embarrassing defeats. The Weekly has asked Roseye how many more ‘victories’ their forces can hope to sustain before total annihilation, and whether this too is ‘part of the plan’. They have declined to comment.

Citizens urged to avoid Nurgle-produced pro-biotic yoghurt

Health-conscious shoppers are being encouraged to exercise due diligence when doing their weekly shop. In particular, people are being urged to avoid a new range of yoghurt, named Bloab’s Best, which despite promising numerous health benefits has been determined to deliver anything but.

“The marketing isn’t deceitful in the strictest sense,” admitted an official in the know. “So long as you are happy identifying some frankly devastating diarrhea as a sign of a ‘super-charged digestive system’.”

The Maggotkin of Nurgle have taken issue with the warning, complaining of misuse of the food safety regime for political ends. “Bloab’s Best is exactly what it says on the punnet – a fruity mix of specially selected cultures designed to give your health system a kick up the rear,” insisted a spokesdaemon.

Citizens who have already purchased the product are asked to burn it immediately. Those who have already consumed it are encouraged to contact their local Order of Azyr who will be able to walk you through the sanctioned funeral options.