“Battleline? More like guideline,” insists army of Morathi clones

Rebellion in the Mortal Realms this week as Morathi-Khaine, leader of the Daughters of Khaine, rebels against the guidelines laid down by Sigmar.

“The Thunder God’s draconian rules have limited us for too long,” declared Morathi at a Hag Queen conference in Hagg Nar. “Other factions are making their own way when building their militaries, it is time for us to do the same!”

Tapping into the magicks of Ulgu, Morathi-Khaine has undertaken a ritual to clone herself several times, creating a fearsome force of supreme sorceresses and reptilian monstrosities. Witch Aelf unions, who were already concerned at their increasing sidelining from battles, are said to have accepted the move with weary resignation.

There are fears in Azyr that Morathi’s decision could ignite an arms race and quickly grow out of hand. Rumours of Archaon the Everchosen searching for an enchanted mirror are already sparking concern. On the other hand, Brokk Grungsson’s threats to create a ‘Hundred Magnate Army’ have been met with shrugs and disinterest. Only time will tell where this new era will lead us.

Strike Out! Nagash slams use of Longstrike Crossbows, threatens escalation

Emotions are running high in the Realm of Death as the Supreme Necromancer picks up his army and leaves, in the middle of a war heavily featuring the Stormcast Eternals.

“There’s absolutely no point in fighting if the Soul-Thief is going to engage in tactics like this,” the Undying King was reported as having said on Femmur, a Death-focused social communications network. “This type of behaviour is ruining the wars that I love.”

Onlookers have described Nagash’s displeasure as focusing particularly on the Vanguard-Raptors, ace hunters of the Stormhosts. Their Longstrike Crossbows are reportedly able to shatter his skeletal form with only seconds of sustained fire, a situation with obvious negatives for the death god.

Nagash has later come out and clarified his comment, stating that the Stormcast generals he did face appeared to be noble opponents (despite being the result of nefarious soul-crime). He has instead reinforced his plea to Sigmar for him to tone down his warriors’ weaponry, threatening to release his own crossbow-wielding ghosts if action is not taken.

Nurgle word game takes Realms by storm

Sweeping the Mortal Realms faster than the plagues its namesake brews, Nurgle has become a quick favourite for those needing a quick daily break from the age of endless war. Here’s how it works:

A grid of buboes will appear on the user’s skin, typically the thigh or another location with a lot of space. The bearer then has six attempts to guess a word randomly chosen each day, with their guesses becoming imprinted on each fleshy lump. The grid itself will give hints to the bearer, filling with yellow fluid if a letter is correct but misplaced, and squirting celebratory mucus on a correct guess.

The Order of Azyr has taken a grim view of the pastime, citing the daemonic influence and the time wasted at work. Sanitisation stations have been set up to allow those afflicted to have the grid removed without charge, though potential users are recommended to organise a week of work following the procedure in order to recover.

Editor’s note: We have received word that a failure to guess the word after six attempts may result in the player’s belly rupturing with a parade of Nurglings. For players on their sixth guess we recommend staying calm, finding a friend, and consulting your local dictiomancer.